Worst Day of the Race…
Life was great. I had a dream team. My three best friends and two other girls I loved dearly. I was growing in huge ways. God was revealing things in myself and about Him that I had never known before. I was having tons of fun. Everyday was better than the last. I couldn’t have asked for anything more. My World Race experience was perfect…
Then, the bomb gets dropped and my whole world comes crashing down. I’m informed I will be switching teams with another one of the guys at the end of this month. My perfect world, my dream world race, dashed with the weight of a whisper…
It’s amazing the impact of something so weightless. In an instant, the one physical constant I have on the race is gone…The people I love the most. Those who I have opened up to, been vulnerable with, invited into the secret places of my heart…then without warning it’s all gone.
They say there are five steps to grieving. Denial, Anger, Sadness, Bargaining, and finally Acceptance. Well I went back and forth through the first four within the first two hours and then continually throughout the day. This couldn’t be happening, no way. It’s a joke, they have to change their mind. They absolutely will. Then anger, you have got to be kidding me. This is unjust, they wronged me. Why would they be so cruel? Then sadness…every time I let the thought linger tears would begin to roll down my face. And lastly bargaining. Man did I do my best. I thought I was pretty convincing too. Even now, I still don’t understand why the decision was made. But a conversation this morning put things into perspective.
We aren’t always going to know the “why” in things. Sometimes people are going to wrong us, sometimes people hurt us. What matters is how you respond. I’ll be honest, everything inside of me wanted to make everyone else miserable like me. I wanted to cut down those who hurt me, I wanted to be exonerated from my punishment. I wanted to go to my new team and be a jerk. Tell them right off the bat, I didn’t want to be there, didn’t wan’t to be on their team. Didn’t want to talk or be their friends. I wanted everyone to feel this suffocating misery I struggled to breathe in.
Then in a moment the Holy Spirit comes and reminds you of what life is about. He reminds you of things you have prayed for: refinement through fire, dying to self, sacrificing my desires for others. And then you jokingly kick yourself for praying those things. He reminds you of your deepest desire, to be made more like Christ, to glorify Him. He reminds you that you laugh at your high school self and how “important” varsity basketball was. In a few years I will laugh about how I thought my world was crashing down, and how this was the worst thing that could ever happen to me on the race. I will laugh at the importance of this situation, but I will treasure the growth that comes from it. Years down the road I will chuckle at my immature response, but I will cherish the refinement of my character. I don’t have to understand, agree with, or even believe that the best decision was made. But this is the lot that was handed me. What will I do with it?
Continue down this path called life, marching in a triumphant procession towards our Promised Land, eternal life with Christ? Or, allow my flesh to overcome my Spirit, and steal life away from myself and others?
I will choose life. Even though it sucks. Even though everything inside of me says I’m foolish. Even though my heart aches and the tears might roll, I will endure what ever challenge is thrown my way if it might exalt Christ in my life. It’s not easy, and I won’t want it most of the time, but I have to trust in Him who created me. Who loves me. Who satisfies me.
So when your life seems to come crashing down on you. Take a step back, grieve your pain.
But be not like the Israelites who only see their external circumstances. Who only see life’s difficulties. Rather, look towards your Promised Land, recognize that every year you have on earth is a part of this triumphant celebration.
It’s easier said then done, trust me I know. I don’t have this all figured out, and at times I still fall, but thankfully the Holy Spirit never forgets to remind me of who I belong to.
Farewell team
Powerhouse. I will miss you tons. Take a look at a few of the faces
whom I’ve come to dearly love…
Emily
Kelly
Jesse
Lana
I love you guys…and miss you already.
