Welcome to part two of my story. Yesterday you heard how I might have talked with a demon, today we will dive into my confusions as to how we worship and serve a Holy God, and then finish tomorrow with a revelation of joy that changed my life.
If you read yesterday’s blog, you read about how I have felt this burden to fill my days with ministry. I am not going to sit around and waste time, or pretend like I’m on vacation. There is too much work to be done. Still, I have heard this whisper gently urging me to enjoy life. To have fun with all of my team and squad-mates. The problem though, or so I thought was the Bible.
I have been reading a lot more of the Old Testament than normal. I’m super hungry to know all of the history of our faith, to truly understand everything God has done to get us to this point. When we first got here I was reading Judges. Judges is similar to other books in the OT in that it often revolves around God’s people rebelling against Him and serving other gods, God then leaving them to these worthless gods, then Israel finally repenting and turning back to God to serve Him. What I see over and over is how absolutely good God is. Life works when we serve Him. Life doesn’t work when we serve other things. I finally see and understand why it is so important that our whole devotion needs to go to God, when we fellowship with Him He provides for us! When we break fellowship and trust in other things, well things just don’t go so well. I know it’s simple, but I feel like I finally got some clear understanding.
I love this verse from Jeremiah 3:19
“I said, how I would set you among my sons, and give you a pleasant land, a heritage most beautiful of all nations. And I thought you would call me , My Father, and would not turn from following me.”
I hear God’s heart breaking in this verse. He wants to give us everything, yet we spurn this loving father and follow after other things. As I am learning all of this, I am overwhelmed by wanting to serve God and never leave Him.
Soon though, a battle began to break out in my mind. God was showing me how perfect He is, how Holy he is, how just and righteous He is, therefore we have to give Him all service and devotion. God deserves it. He created us, and He is the ONLY thing in heaven or earth worthy of worship. How could I or my team just lay around at the beach, or go surfing? We have to serve God, we have to reach lost souls, we have to serve the poor. We don’t have the time, nor are we honoring God by “hanging out.”
Then that whisper would come back. “Danny rest. Enjoy the abundant life I offer. Enjoy your friends, enjoy the beach.” But how could I do that? That can’t be God talking, I don’t deserve to enjoy the beach. I have to glorify God in everything I do, and I can’t glorify God by surfing. I have to be out serving God. I know that I am justified by faith, and that I am not earning my salvation, I am just responding back to God the only way I know how.
At church on Sunday, Eastgate had a Valentine’s service. It was filled with great music and loving people. During the whole service I felt like God just kept telling me over and over how much He loves me. But how could I receive that? “I am not worthy God. I don’t deserve your love, I deserve to be crushed by your hand,” I cried out to Him. I know that I am justified by Christ, and that through Him I am made worthy, but not matter how much I reminded myself of that truth I could not receive the Father’s love.
1 Sam 6:20 – “Who is able to stand before the Lord, this holy God?”
As much as I heard God tell me that I am able, through Christ in me, I could not help but believe that I am not able, nor is anyone else on earth able to stand before this holy God.
After these past few days I felt like I was in a daze. My head was filled with all of these equally truthful contradictions. I know and believe how much God loves me. That He unconditionally loves me and He demonstrated that through Christ on the cross. I know that I am fully accepted by Him no matter what I do, because I’m not accepted because of my righteousness of because of Christ’s righteousness.
So in light of that, the love of Christ should compel us to action. Because of the love that He has shown us, it causes us to share the Gospel, serve others, etc.
Well stayed tuned because God provided the answer, and I’ll tell you all about it tomorrow.
