*This piece was written on my 25th birthday, January 27, 2012. Took me a few days to condense and edit it into this blog post*
Twenty-five….that’s
how much time I’ve spent upon this earth. Crazy to think really.
Twenty-five years of existence, of sensory experience, of life.
Twenty-five years sounds
like a long time. What have I done?
I
remember the days as an awkward 6th grader just wanting to fit in and have
girls like me. It was quite the struggle to do either very
successfully.
Then
on to high school. With each passing
year I felt more confident in my identity. Granted it was tied up in my
friends and my athletic career, so didn’t exactly get that one perfect. I also never got the guts to ask
a girl out ’til after I graduated.
Looking
back though, my life revolved around my desires and myself.
But
God soon took my heart, and there was no going back. My life was His, wherever He might lead. Then, very soon after a series of dreams were fulfilled.
- Living as a college student without actually being in college, while rooming with
my best friends “to-be”. - Traveling the world and sharing the Gospel. Being transformed
along the way while making lifelong memories. - Helping start an entrepreneurial venture aimed at helping people live
out their God given kingdom dreams. - Becoming a John Jay Fellow and studying what it means to see the world
through a truly Christian perspective.
Which
brings me to today.
Days away from beginning my externship with the
Philadelphia Chamber of Commerce.
Twenty-five and on the precipice of the life that is to come.
I’ve never done anything longer than six months. After the Chamber I’ll
commit somewhere for 3-5 years. Establishing some roots into one
location, one church, one set of relationships. That’s a new one…
So
here I am pressed between my past and my future. Reflecting upon what
has, and projecting what is. Twenty-five…what
lies ahead?
Society
tells me I’m an adult.. But what does that even mean? Sometimes
I’ll call myself a man in conversation rather than a guy or a boy.
It
still feels funny.
What
does it even mean to be a man? Will I ever feel like a man? I don’t think
it ever fully clicks for anyone. There will always be some boyishness
inside of us trying to escape. What’s important is rejecting that immature passivity and intentionally pursuing
manhood, responsibility, and holiness.
It’s
interesting looking back and recognizing all of the immaturity of my past .Yes,
there are quite a few scars left over from the poor decisions I’ve made in my
life. But thankfully a lot of wisdom and maturity have come from those
same decisions.
Even
though I regret specific choices that hurt people, and actions that caused damage, they are
all apart of the journey that brought me to this place in life. These lessons helped form
my character into the man (still trying to convince myself) that sits here
today. So while you wish some of those negative consequences never
happened, you can’t really regret.
They
are apart of this divine story perpetually unfolding.
What
do I even want in life? I sit here, 25, with so many years, hopes, and
dreams waiting…many or most I don’t even know yet.
Society
tells me (or at least my over eager peers) that its time to get
married. And honestly I do want to get married sooner rather than later.
I want to experience the mystery of spiritual oneness, I want to
understand more fully how Christ loves his Church, I want to love someone
completely with my mind, body, and soul. But it’s
not nearly as pressing as I thought it might be. I don’t feel pressure.
I feel peace.
So what will the next quarter century bring?
There
are no mulligans now, no excuses. I know the truth and I’ve tasted that
it is good.
I’ve seen God change me
and work through me in miraculous ways. And that was despite my immense
immaturity. What is possible now that God has refined me this far, along
with my increased willingness for more refinement? I’m not sure, but I
know that I want it.
I
want the fullness. I want the Old Testament fat of the lamb. I want complete submission before the
Father. I want a holiness that reflects the Son always. I want to
be a man of God.
And
dangit, I want to feel like it too.
My
sister just called me and offered her birthday wishes. During the call
she mentioned how 25 marked a distinct transition in her life. I feel the
same happening for me.
Life
up to this point has been predominantly driven by adventure and fun. Not
to say that those things won’t still happen, but it seems as if a priority
shift is bubbling inside of me. Instead
of fun being my primary driver, it will be responsibility and a steady
perseverance.
Don’t
get me wrong, I think adulthood will be plenty of fun, and with God we will
never be short of adventure. But how those things look…well they change. I
imagine there will be changes in how I express my love, passion, and joy for
Christ.
I’m
still the same Danny…well maybe not since I go by Daniel now ; ). I
guess it’s all apart of the maturation that has come and is coming.
Either
way, each day I’m stepping more into my true identity. The man that God imagined before the
foundations of the world.
Life
is an adventure. I’m excited for mine.
Full
steam ahead.
