For most my life I have loved security nets… those things in life that you aren’t positive about so you try as diversify yourself as much as possible. I didn’t really stick out in any one sport… so I did them all and learned them all. I wasn’t really sure if I would get accepted to the colleges that I wanted… so I applied to many so as not to disappoint myself. I’ve never really known what career I want to pursue… so I switched my major several times and had a lot of different jobs. I never had a lot of clarity as to what God calling in my life is… so I have made sure I have places to fall back into that aren’t necessarily involving full time ministry. This has been a pattern of my life. I will choose one path, but at the same time place other paths around me that I can fall back into. Thus, when life gets tough or I get tired of one thing, I can easily transition to the next. While I might be making myself out to be a bit flaky (which I am), I don’t think this pattern in my life has been an all bad thing. I’ve experience a lot of different things… I’ve been able to see a lot of different places… I’ve gotten to meet all kinds of different people. I’ve learned to learn rapidly and to adapt quickly. I would consider myself in many ways a Jack of many trades but a master at none. Normally I feel like I can do pretty much anything and do a decent job, whether or not I am the best for it, whether or not I love it, whether or not I feel God is calling me into it.
This pattern of life… this characteristic is changing though. Over the year I have come to realize that the nets I’ve set up, and the constant mind change has often robbed me of living by faith. My life should not be about trying to decipher whether or not I heard God on something, and then making all sorts of back up plans just in case God’s plan doesn’t pan out for me. I want my life to be characterized by hearing God’s voice, and following it with confidence. Through struggle, through blessing, through burnout, through apathy, through everything… when I hear from the Lord, I go, certain of what is unseen that lies ahead.
For the last several years it has been on my mind to apply to seminary after I finishing my undergrad. While on the World Race I have felt this draw intensify. The process has gone rather differently than normal though. I didn’t apply to a lot of different seminaries… I only applied to one. I prayed that if God would have me there he would open the doors. And he did. I was accepted despite my current circumstances, and a lot of dropped calls on Skype while trying to do a video interview in Costa Rica. Throughout the whole process I have been quite at peace with all that is going on. I’ve had God open doors before, but usually I am always indecisive and uncomfortable about taking a door even though it is open. Even when I found out I would only get to be home for three days in Salt Lake until I pack up and move to California… I felt much less worry than I am accustomed to. And that’s the thing… I LOVE Salt Lake. I cannot wait to get back to my community there. But God has something for me in California right now. I truly believe that all of this is God tilling soil from which I will be reaping substance for the rest of my life. Though it takes sacrifice, though I would much rather have a few months to catch my breath in Salt Lake, I know God want me to keep pressing into this faith thing. I have always prayed for guidance… and looking back I think God has always offered it. Yet now I think I’m confident in him enough to actually let go and dive in head first. Below is an excerpt from my application when asked “why do you feel a call into vocational ministry?”
Since a missions trip to Thailand in 2003 I have felt a tug to full time ministry. It seems like everything I am passionate about points me to vocational ministry whether it be playing and writing music, being poor and living simply, teaching, spending hours at a coffee shop, or studying and reading books about God. The last five years can be summarized by saying God has been helping me figure out the when, how, and if questions about that call I felt into vocational ministry. Everything came to an apex in the spring of 2007 when I had to decide on taking a more secular route of Political Science, which was something I truly loved in college, or holding unswervingly to a path of pursuing vocational ministry. I wish I could say it was an easy decision, but at the time it really wasn’t. It was really the input of the people I look up to most, who most of which happen to be in vocational ministry, that I decided to ditch the internship I had aligned in Washington D.C., and pursue vocational ministry with all my heart. To live is truly Christ and to die is gain. I want to give God everything. I want to lay my life down for the mystery of something far greater than I could ever become. If I were to summarize my life’s ambition in two words it would be to heal people. I believe this mission includes healing people from wounds they have received in the Church, as well as healing people whose perception of the Body of Christ is tainted. I want to heal people who are hurting inside, and help people who are suffering outside. I want to show people a better way, a way that breathes life, and transforms in radical ways. My life is about being a servant, and I want to serve as many people as possible. For the foolishness of God is wiser than man’s wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man’s strength.
As of August 5th I will be doing an internship at Mosaic Church in California while working on a Masters Degree as well. I don’t really even recognize my life anymore. It has changed and continues to change so fast. I can’t wait though. There are things on the horizon that I have prayed to God all my life for… and now I get to see it unfold. It’s incredible to me when I think about it. Please keep me in your prayers. Pray that I don’t let up upon returning to the States. Pray that I continue to hear and follow. Thank you all for your continued support. I will be back around Salt Lake mid September to unload on all you guys and be with you. I can’t wait…
