Recently, I have been struggling to find a healthy rhythm between the demands of my job and the preparations of the world race….to give my time to both, with equal effort and heart….to lay down my worries and stress of making the time, let it be and let God work it out. Who knew finding that rhythm would feel next to impossible?! Who knew that reminding myself to submit the control to create that time would be simply exhausting, mentally speaking.
God knew
Balancing my life alone is impossible without the grace of God…His mercy on me is incredible…because He constantly reminds me that “I can do all things through Him who gives me strength (Philippians 4:13), that with man this IS impossible, but with God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)”….what a beautiful promise! What a breath of fresh air to be reminded of the fact that God doesn’t expect me to have it all together. Because in all honesty, I will NEVER have my life together like I imagine it to be…and that’s why it’s called an imagination…because it’s not reality. In reality, my broken and messed-up world will forever be broken and messed-up because we live in a fallen world full of sin. And there is nothing I can do apart from God to fix it. The best part of this fact is that this broken world with its broken people is en-route for a revival, for a Saving Grace, for our Savior to ride in on His chariot of fire and save the day like any hero in our imagination would; only it’s not an imagination…THAT is reality waiting to happen. And until that day happens, He has called us to be His disciples and share the good news to all that are lost. Pretty cool!
A few days ago, I was reading in Acts 4 & 5 about Joseph, Ananias, and Sapphira. Let me give a little back-story. Joseph sells a field he owns and brings ALL the money and puts it at the apostles’ feet. He does this as a form of worship and honor towards God. In return God blesses him and he unintentionally receives earthly praise because of it. Simple enough to understand so far. Now, Ananias, together with his wife Sapphira, also sell a piece of property. With his wife’s full knowledge he kept back part of the money for himself, but brought the rest and put it at the apostles’ feet.
Do you notice a similar theme here?
Both men sell a field and place money at the apostles’ feet….only, Josephs actions and heart were unified towards helping those in need; selflessness. Whereas Ananias and Sapphiras motives were purely selfish….they were seeking earthly praise; to be looked at as something they really weren’t…aka: hypocrites. They cut corners to make it look like they did exactly the same thing. You see, they stole the action without understanding the heart of it. Yes, they sold a field just like Joseph did, they placed money at the apostles’ feet, but what they didn’t understand was the heart…the heart was love…and they died because of it.
This story got me thinking…how many times have I done this? How many times have I taken the action of someone else’s without truly understanding the heart of that action? How many times have I cut corners in order to get things done? Pretty convicting, right….because I am a sinner with inevitable selfishness and my actions tend to reflect that more than I would like to admit. YIKES!
Reality check
Too bad that couldn’t be in my imagination…
This brought me to a similar reading in Matthew 23 where God is speaking to the Pharisees about their hypocritical ways. He begins by speaking to the crowd and his disciples…“So you must obey them and do everything they tell you. But do not do what they do, for they do not practice what they preach. They tie up heavy loads and put them on men’s shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to lift a finger to move them.” (Matthew 23:3-4). Ouch! That hit me like a hammer to nail…I’m definitely guilty of speaking one way and acting in another…completely contradicting myself. And I’m for sure guilty for not being willing to do something because it’s hard or “dirty work.” And now I want to close my Bible because it’s too shameful to admit my that…But wait, it gets better…”Everything they do is done for men to see: They make their phylacteries (boxes containing Scripture verses, worn on forehead and arms) wide and the tassels on their garments long; they love the place of honor at banquets and the most important seats in the synagogues; they love to be greeted in the marketplaces and to have men call them “Rabbi’” (Matthew 23:5-7). The truth of the matter is that we all have a little bit of Pharisee in us…we all, as a fallen race, desire earthly praise, for men to see and admire us…we love feeling important, wanted, needed. Our motives tend to favor admiration from others; to be noticed like we have it all together, like we have it all figured out. Oh my crazy imagination…
The reality is that I am a sinner regardless of anything I say, think, or do…but the beauty of all this is that God rescued me and sent his son to die in my place. He rescued me and I did absolutely nothing to deserve it…WOW! That is love, unconditional, endless, boundless, overflowing love for me from my Heavenly Father.
This brings me back to one of the many things we are all at war with: TIME. We have too much of it, too little of it or maybe, on rare days, just enough time. It’s a never-ending battle where, for the most part, usually ends in failure when we face it alone.
Time is time…it keeps going whether we like it or not.
It is uncontrollable
Independent of our personal preferences
My preference being, I NEED MORE TIME! Things are going waaaaayyy too fast, I feel like I can’t keep up! I mean seriously, I’m out of breath…where is the slow-down dial? I need a breather…all I need is some time to figure out a rhythm and move forward with it. But that’s not how it works. Because if that’s how it worked, my dependence on my Heavenly Father would cease to exist.
So all I can do is continue to run to God with everything that is my life and rest in the safety of His arms. Rest in the knowledge that with God, all things are possible, that I will NEVER be able to do anything apart from God.
It’s that simple
There is no time like the present
So I take the time I am given, and remind myself that living in the moment of each day with equal heart and effort is not impossible. God will help me work it out. I do not have to cut corners in order to make it work…I don’t need to “fake it til I make it.” So I let it be and choose to be awake in the moment, to praise Him for the time I’m given and lift my brokenness to Him…because He can fix it.
Walk by faith, not by sight. – 2 Corinthians 5:7
