As I began the daunting undertaking of World Race Training Camp, I couldn’t help but feel the pit of fear surfacing within my heart again…I was literally diving into the beginning of a new adventure with new people all around – let’s be real here…this is my family for the next year and I’m finally meeting them…for the very first time! Talk about overwhelming!
The day Training Camp started, I woke-up feeling determined not to let my fear get the best of me…and for awhile it worked, maybe for 2 minutes (haha) and then the reality of this journey hit me hard…as I swung my legs over the edge of my bed, placed my feet on the floor, all I could think was “This is really happening! I am going to be a missionary all over the world for the next year. Today marks the beginning of that journey! God, I am SO ready for this – is it bad that I’m also excitedly terrified?! To be honest, I might be having an anxiety attack…I can’t tell for sure tho – nah, I’m totally fine – but seriously – my heart is beating pretty fast, just saying.”
With fear as my companion for the day, I go through the list in my head of what I needed to have for my flight to training. I do a triple check of everything – repetition and thoroughness tend to soothe my nerves, haha – and when I’m satisfied, load everything up and head to the airport. At this point, I am a wreck of nerves…internally freaking out with the fact that I’m about to meet my family for the next year – what will they be like? Will we connect on a personal level? Are they as nervous as I am?! I hope I’m not the only one that feels this way…
My flight lands in Atlanta, Georgia. My heart is practically beating out of my chest…could this possibly get any more real?! I head to baggage claim, grab my gear and walk towards the World Race meeting spot – at this point I swear my heart is about to project from my mouth…I probably looked like a Kindergartner going to school for the first time – parents leaving them for the WHOLE DAY with people they don’t know…only this time it’s for an ENTIRE WEEK! And I find my feet slowing down…resisting to walk their normal pace…fear is SO heavy on my feet that I can barely pick them up…and then I come into view of my squad-mates, sitting comfortably on the ground with all their gear, chatting like old friends do, waiting for the rest of the racers to arrive….Things just got more real, folks – God, I can’t move! I’m terrified and excited all at once…I don’t know how to manage this combination of feelings….give me courage, give me peace, rip the fear from my heart…here we go!
I walk to the group of world racers, and am welcomed into the group with huge smiles and warm hugs…it’s like they already know me…weird, but ok. I sit within the group and start introducing myself to everyone. Conversation flows easily and a sense of comfort rises inside of me…I start to relax and the fear slowly diminishes. Thanks God! All the racers check-in and we head to camp on an actual school bus…haha, so great! As soon as I step off the bus at training camp, I am met with a female racer around my age that is just as nervous as I am…we instantly bond over the fact they we aren’t the only ones terrified. We proceed to the registration table only to find we are on the SAME squad! We laugh at the wonderful gift of being together and can’t thank God enough for the instant friendship we formed – comfort ensues.
The first 3.5 days of Training Camp were the most challenging and exhausting days I’ve been a part of in a LONG time…let me explain a bit. First, meeting 50 new people is rather exhausting for an introvert…but God showed me mercy and gave me the qualities of an extrovert at the most opportune times. Not only was I meeting 50 new people (aka: my squad), I was also surrounded by 3 other squads that were around the same size…so there were almost 250 people at training camp all week…definitely overwhelming for this girl! Second, the schedule for the week was pretty demanding and stretching. There was very little downtime, literally NO alone time, and constant training sessions where my brain was on overload.
By day 4, I was feeling the effects of this schedule and began to find myself wanting to disengage and withdraw from everything…NOT GOOD! Not only was the schedule jam-packed, it was also on a need-to-know basis…so all racers were in the dark about what was happening next. They did this for a very specific reason – when we are out on the field, there will probably not be a set schedule; flexibility is essential. Also, it teaches us to be in the moment; to put all of ourselves in that very moment. When we don’t know what is happening next, it causes our minds to stay in the present situation and not drift to later events of the day. …such a great lesson to learn! As much as I loved learning this lesson, it was incredibly difficult for a routinist, like me, to adapt to. All I wanted was some stability and they kept throwing us curveballs….welcome to the world race, y’all!
So with no stability, disengaging in mild defeat crept into my heart…not purposefully, but unfortunately breathing its loud temptations of giving up….to stop pressing in to the challenge of a wavering schedule – to instead take the hand of exclusion which leads to a closed heart and poor attitude….sounds like the easier route, I wouldn’t have to endure all these ridiculous curveballs, I could just not care and let the week run its course without any real intrusion of my comfort-zone…sounds SO nice…and in that moment of weighing my options, God spoke into my heart, “Danielle, that is not an option – I have BIG plans for you this week and I need you PRESENT. I am about to give you more life than you have ever experienced before, if you will only hold on for a little bit longer!” and dispirited tears began flowing down my face…accepting the fact that this week was NOT going to be easy. But my heart ached to be closer to my Heavenly Father, so of course giving up was out of the question…as the tears persisted, God spoke a verse over me, “ Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like someone running aimlessly; I do not fight like a boxer beating the air. No, I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize. (1 Cor. 9:24-27). My daughter, I NEED you to run hard…training will be difficult, but I have given you strength to endure it…press into the challenge – I will meet you there.”
As much as my earthly body wanted to give-in to personal preference, I wiped the tears from my eyes, picked myself up and pushed the temptation to give-up out of my mind…utterly broken and tired, I began walking back to the overwhelming world of training camp and placed myself within the mass of people…determined to immerse myself in the challenge so I could be closer to my Father. And God never disappoints – as I’ve said before, He truly keeps His promises.
Day 5 birthed a spirit of hope within my heart…with the knowledge that God was going to do some big things this week, I was ready for whatever – even without a schedule…I just wanted to get started! I was up early, set to go before most of my fellow racers – anticipation welling-up inside me. Ok God, today’s a new day and I am choosing to be joyful even though I’m incredibly uncomfortable here – I am ready to run this race You’ve placed in front of me…this day is Yours.
And in that moment, all I wanna do is play my guitar – I look over at the campfire only to see the fire was still going from the night before and my heart skips a beat at the thought of doing a small quiet time before things get started for the day! Since I didn’t bring my guitar to training, I borrowed a squad-mates’, and rushed to the fire-pit…most everyone at this point is waking up and getting ready for the day. I sit next to the pit, quietly begin strumming the guitar and humming to myself – worshipping my Abba Father. Then I just start playing songs that come to my head, singing from my heart and letting the words bubble up from my soul. As the song ends, I look up to see a few of my squad-mates standing around the pit worshipping with me…where did they come from?! I didn’t even hear them come over…should I keep playing? Well I still wanna worship You, so I guess I’m gunna…so I keep playing, this time hearing more than just my own voice praising God.
And it’s beautiful
We’re all lost in loveliness
All Gods sons and daughters joining together to worship Him just because they want to – beautiful.
Hence, marking the beginning of many unexpected moments of God’s love for His kids…
A week beginning in pain has now officially transformed into something beautiful – and Oh, how perfect His love is for us when we seek His face, when we draw close to Him, when all we desire is to know Him more!
Beauty is birthed out of pain and hope is the banner I now raise in the midst of this challenge.
The second half of training camp is an entirely new story! I will be sharing about the BIG things God did within those days after y’all have had time to read this post, haha! All I can say is that God’s love for each of us is SO overwhelming – I feel like I’m dripping with it!
May you be blessed as you read this update! Thank you for sharing in this ministry with me – I would not be able to do any of this without your support and I am SO SO SO thankful!
