The middle portion of training, my heart, mind, and soul were fiercely alert – hunger for more of God rumbled in my tummy…ached almost…haha! After a rough start to the week, it could only go up from there.
The evening of the 4th day, we had a session about being intimate with God while we are on the World Race – how we will need to adapt to different ways of spending time with our Heavenly Father and not to expect our normal ways of doing so. One way that we practiced this was with intentional quiet time in a mass of people. We were asked to practice blocking out the surrounding noises and enter into a place of communion with our Father. Really? How am I supposed to concentrate when ALL I hear is noise? It’s waaaayy too distracting, God! Is this really how it’s going to be on the Race…or are they going a little overboard with this training session?? Obviously I tend to be a little skeptical when I can’t see myself being successful in it…
So, with all my might, I attempted to block out all the noise – desperately trying to sound out the distractions and find solitude…my heart ached to be near to God – ached so much it felt like it would break if it didn’t find rest in my Father soon. To refresh your memory, I had been going on 4 days of NO serious alone-time with God…and it was noticeable. I was falling apart on the inside – dying to be soothed, understood, and filled by Christ. If this session was meant to be in the presence of the Holy Spirit, then I was game for it! Just not with all the noise…
Even so, I am sitting there in a room filled with people, some talking quietly, others humming, and still more shifting to and fro…trying to get comfortable on the hardwood floor I presume. And I find myself becoming frustrated because all I can focus on are all the noises around me…impatiently chastising myself for not being more focused – you are FINALLY given some designated time to commune with your Father, Danielle, and all you can manage to focus on is the racket around you?! Get with the program – block out the noise already…you know He will meet you wherever you are, so why are you questioning His ability to do so? Why are you STILL struggling to TRUST Him? He has proven Himself countless times to you and yet you still hesitate to go ALL IN! ugh…
The time passes by slowly and the clamor of people continues. Before I know it, the designated quiet-time has passed and the group is now shifting into a new activity. And here I am, feeling defeated for not doing very well with the first part of the session….reprimanding myself for failing miserably – I feel like I totally wasted that opportunity to be with God and all I want to do is cry because I missed out! Bummed beyond words could express honestly.
With my heavy heart, I push into the next activity…determined to improve. We all stand in a line with a partner in front of us – wall to wall of people – waiting for our instructions. We are all curious about what we are going to do…what do we need a partner for? Man, if I couldn’t even be in the presence of God by myself, how in the world am I supposed to do that with a partner?! This is about to get interesting…I hope my partner is prepared for disappointment….because if it’s anything like the last activity, we are doomed. God, meet us here please! I don’t want to fail my partner – give me something to work with here…if anything, wash over my partner….maybe they need it more than I do…
As instructions are being given, I stare out into the distance – zoning out a bit because my heart already feels defeated from the first activity…the part of the instructions I do hear terrifies me – they want us to do what?! Really?! I’ve never done that before…fear welling-up inside of me, I swallow hard and close my eyes for a brief second in quiet desperation. This is never going to work…how do they expect us to give words to our partners when I couldn’t even master the first activity?! God, You NEED to move here – I want my partner to experience You like they never have before – even if I don’t receive anything from my partner, I want them to receive something from my mouth that is from You. I know my trust is lacking, but I do believe that You can speak through me – I believe You can do that now!
Here’s the kicker though – not only did they want us to practice waiting upon the LORD for words to our partners, they also wanted us to close our eyes and have our initial partners move to a new person in the line – so now we have NO CLUE who our actual partner is at this point…causing us to REALLY trust that God will give us words to speak into the life of our unknown partner.
Ready- no, Set- no, Go- Ahh!
And I stand there, eyes closed, fearful that my partner will be disappointed. While the fear continued to develop within my heart, a strange peace washes over me – stillness and assurance that God WILL move.
And, to my hearts delight, He does!
God, I have no idea who my partner is, but I know You have words to be spoken over him/her…so with all my heart, I am here, ready to be Your spokesperson…
I wait – fully surrendered and ready – anticipation growing.
One word dances through my thoughts
My heart leaps for joy!
I don’t understand the purpose behind the word, but I press-on…asking God to explain a little more…He gives me one sentence. A huge smile is plastered on my face at this point. I immediately open my eyes and begin to speak before my mind can register who I am speaking to. Words just flood from my mouth – I can’t stop it…the words just keep coming! And as I speak over my partner, who happens to be the other guitarist on our squad, her expression begins to transform from curiosity and hesitation to immediate amazement at the personal and intimate abilities of our Father. Tears of joy flood from her eyes – instant peace washes over her and I know that the Father had answered both of our prayers.
He used me to uplift my partner even though I was terribly skeptical – answered prayer #1.
He met my partner in that exact moment of need, giving her peace and assurance of His love for her – Answered prayer #2.
It was a beautiful moment between the three of us that I will NEVER forget! Even now as I am writing about it, a smile is growing on my face from the wonderful memory of that moment.
God’s precious gift of His presence in our lives is truly the BEST reward I could ever dream to experience. It’s all my heart ever really aches for. And even when I’m skeptical and don’t fully believe that He can do something, He proves me wrong – every time!
Why?
Because He loves me unconditionally. Me – a terrible sinner.
His love is strong, deep, and sweet, my friends. He loves each of us more than a mother loves her child, more than the love between siblings, between husband and wife, more than words can express really. His love will NEVER let us go for we are so precious to Him…so precious that He gave up His only Son, Jesus Christ, to save us – WOW!
His. Own. Son. – Now that’s love!
“For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send His son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him.”
John 3:16-17
