Let’s start with the condition of my heart beginning in September 2013. September was the beginning of an internship as a Program Intern at a camp….let’s just say, my heart was NOT in it from the get-go. As much as I desperately wanted it to be, there was no use forcing my heart to love it. I accepted the internship fully aware that I was only doing it because I was good at it, not because I loved it. I also accepted it because it was safe…comfortable. WORST REASON!! “Safe and comfortable” is not a life that God has called us to…so why did I think I was the exception? I know why…my selfish heart ached for comfort and safety that was tangible in my mind…this camp was tangible. So I embarked on the journey of working at this camp, feeling lost; zero direction of where God truly wanted me to be or what He was calling me to do! I was just frustrated beyond words, really….but thankful to have a job with wonderful co-workers
The second week into my internship, our Program Staff went on a retreat to bond and set goals for the next nine months. I was super excited to have a retreat from camp and to be staying in a lakehouse with jet-skis and a great dock! To lead us in devotions and worship, we brought along a former camp staff member named Austin (whom I had never met until now). He had just returned home from a really long trip overseas and was talking about it with my new good friend and boss at camp, Elise. So I wasn’t really listening to their conversation, but knew that he was supposed to be really great at guitar and speaking…so I was curious to see if that was true…y’all, it was true. He led us in very meaningful worships and in-depth Bible studies that were just SO GOOD! Austin = contagious Christian at this point in my mind. As the retreat progressed, I had some opportunity to sit and talk with him…to hear a little about his story and what God was doing in his life. This is where I first heard about the World Race. Austin had just returned to the States a couple months before from the World Race and had nothing but great things to say about his journey! In my mind, I was thinking…that is so cool….this guy sitting across from me in so in love with You, so on fire for You, and would do absolutely anything for You…I mean, he just traveled the world, being a light for You! WOW!!! God I pray you would set my heart on fire for something like that someday soon. I wonder what that feels like…to know where You are calling me and to be beyond excited and passionate about doing it! How amazing that would be…little did I know, that prayer would be answered sooner than expected.
So the week ended and we headed back to camp to do some real work. I had the world race in the back of my head, but not really thinking much about it….I placed it on the far far far back-burner, out of range on purpose. The world race was definitely not for me, but fun to think about. Now, the town our camp is located in (La Grange) is very small…like 4,650 people total, so everyone knows everyone. This is good and bad all at the same time. I’m sure you understand thatJ Austin’s home is in La Grange and he had been living at his parents’ house at this point in the story. (We will revisit this information farther on in the story, so save it away for now).
Switching gears: I love the outdoor aspect of camp! I also love running and doing my cool-downs on the deck of our Chapel that overlooks the trees, hills, and best of all: the sunsets! So I would always coordinate my runs to where I would finish at the perfect time in order to do my cool-downs on the deck, watching the sun set behind the trees and hills….so perfect, right?! WRONG!!! Little did I know that Austin would also happen to have a soft-spot for sunsets and nature and the Chapel….I had gotten into a great routine by this time and have come to realize that I am a routinist. If my routine is messed-up, it takes me awhile to get back on track. K, we’ve cleared that up….moving on: One day, I had planned this really great run/cool-down/quiet-time on the deck. So I grabbed my Bible, journal, devotional book, Ipod, and water bottle, laced up my shoes and set out for the Chapel to drop stuff off. So far so good. I get to the Chapel, place my stuff out on the deck and head out for my run….feeling great and excited to get back in time for a great quiet-time with a great sunset! As I return from my run, I’m walking into the chapel only to see Austin sitting in my chair out on the deck….my heart immediately sinks. In my head I’m thinking, what?! Why is he in my spot?! This is MY spot…How dare he….didn’t he see all my stuff?! It’s in plain sight! How Rude…God, what about my quiet time? What about my cool-down and the SUNSET!!! I can’t miss thaaat! Wah wah wah….but on the outside, I was calm and collected. I didn’t say a word to him because he was doing his quiet time with God as well…so I grabbed my stuff and proceeded to head out when I tripped and dropped ALL my stuff on the floor with a decent amount of ruckus…all my efforts to leave quietly were totally ruined…I’m not sure if he heard me or not, but it felt like he must have…(Mine and Austin’s relationship was nothing more than mere acquaintances at this point)…So after I fell, I quickly picked all my stuff up and briskly walked to the exit, angry that my spot and plan had been robbed from me.But in my anger, God gently spoke into my heart, Danielle, you can worship me wherever you are…it doesn’t have to be at YOUR spot every time. You need to learn how to share. That spot is just a spot…you do not own it. Let Austin have it tonight. Surrender it up to me, let me take your rattled routine and give you something even better; ME! Seek me wherever you are and I will be there. I instantly just cried…cried in anger, in embarrassment, in being unable to control the circumstance, and for the fact that God is so gracious, merciful, and understanding towards me in my anger.
Now, I tell you this story because it was the first of many times that Austin “stole” my spot and every time I would run into him, I would instantly think of the World Race. (Small town problems like I was saying before…grrr). Austin and the world race just go together like peanut butter and jelly do. They just mesh. So I was constantly being reminded of the world race from Austin’s presence and constantly trying to stuff it back into the box it came in when I first unwrapped it! A losing battle from the beginning…once unwrapped, it was always meant to be unwrapped. This continued for about 3 months. During those three months, Austin and I went from acquaintances to semi-friends…we weren’t super close, but we had our moments of simple connections as friends usually do. I was also praying with God that He would give me some direction and help me discern where he was calling me. That I would know what he wanted me to do and to help me be obedient to whatever that may be….bold prayer, right?! Haha, yes, a VERY bold and big prayer which my heart was not ready to fully accept but my mind thought it was. But, I kept praying that prayer anyways, unaware that my heart wasn’t ready to commit yet; oblivious to the fact that God was literally throwing the answer in my face!
December rolls around and I’m feeling anxious to be home for Christmas; anxious to be with family and a have a reprieve from camp-life. The first week in December, Austin invited the camp staff to come to his World Race celebration…which was basically a time of fellowship and stories from his journey. I figured, why not? It’d be good to get off camp for a bit…It was also where he shared his heart for missions, what God did in his life through the world race, and how God worked through him to reach the lost! It was very inspirational! My other boss, Matt and his wife, Jen were sitting next to me while he was sharing and they both look over at me and ask, “Would this be something you would ever do?” I turned to them, and instantly said “YES!” …wait, what? Did I seriously just say that? Did that really just come out of my mouth?! Out loud?! I sat there for a moment, completely stunned by my own answer…a simple but sure “yes.” Where did that come from? In that moment, God whispered into my thoughts…it came from Me. This is where I want you; this is what I want you to do. Uncertain that God had been serious, I responded….Uummm, idk God…that seems WAY out of my abilities…are you sure? He was sure…
The best part of the evening came when he pulled out his guitar and started singing worship songs for the group…wow, this guy has a great voice! And to top it off, he can play the guitar with impressive skill!!! I just sat in my chair in awe of how musically gifted he was…and how jealous I was that he could play the guitar with such ease…haha. But then, the worst thing (in my mind) happened at that very moment…Matt pushed me up towards Austin and invited/challenged me to join Austin in singing…no no no no no no no no, this can’t be happening! I’m deathly afraid of singing in front of crowds!!! I refuse to sing! It’s not happening. Period. God, make it stop! So I’m standing up there with Austin, not singing at this point and dying inwardly from stage-fright…it was awful…I was so uncomfortable! But Austin just kept playing and singing, seamlessly inviting me to join in on the “fun”… please, no….I think I might throw-up on your guitar if I have to sing…which would just add to my current state of misery. God please help me! Get me outta this predicament! God? I bet God was just laughing at how frantic I was….cuz I ended up not being brought out of that predicament but pushed further into it! Everyone started to agree with Matt that I should sing with Austin, and I couldn’t very well say no, so I casually agreed even though I was about to pee my pants from fear.
So we sing.
The first words we sang together came so naturally…so smooth and unnervingly easy. We moved further along in the song and started harmonizing with each other…playing off each others’ voices like we had been singing together for years. How is this happening!? We just kept singing, and it was FUN! God, what in the world?! I strangely wanna keep singing in front of these people that I barely even know….The song ended, and everyone clapped and told us we sounded great together. Good, that’s over! Now I can return to the safety of my chair! Wrong…but God did bring me a sense of comfort…even though I didn’t find a complete exit strategy, He placed another wonderful singer in the mix with Austin and I. Elise’s boyfriend, Rory joined us at the front to harmonize with us! There is safety in numbers, haha! Then to add to this “misery” of mine, Matt tells everyone that I can play piano and guitar as well…they all look at me with excitement like they have some grand plan to initiate…just imagine them grinning and rubbing their hands together in delight and you won’t be far off from their response to Matt’s new tid-bit of information.
The couple hosting the party just happened to have a keyboard with weighted keys upstairs…well fancy that…of course they would…God, I don’t think I can take much more…this is terrifying enough…and now they want me to sing AND play piano too…oh my word…im gunna die!!! They bring the piano down to where Austin, Rory and I were, him with his guitar, Rory with his voice, and me with my piano now…And we begin all over again. If you have ever heard of the artists, Hillsong United, Matt Maher, Gungor, All Sons & Daughters, and Phil Wickham…those were the songs we pulled from. It was incredible…we would literally just pick a song, and play it together…harmonizing and going crazy on our instruments…leading worship for this group of people that I didn’t even know. But it was amazing…it’s like we had practiced all of this before-hand or something, because it was so perfect. We played for 2.5 HOURS and could have continued to worship through the night, honestly…Never in my life had that happened before…totally a God thing. The Holy Spirit was definitely in this space with us that night.
Dec. 7th is ingrained in my memory forever now. As we left the celebration, the couple that owned the piano came up to me and simply said, “The piano is yours now. Take good care of it” Huh? Did I hear this guy correctly? Did he just say that I get to keep that piano?! I looked up at him, smiled, and just hugged him…I was literally speechless. But he was serious….they gave me that piano and it is now sitting in my living room…hahaJ It serves as a beautiful memory of that night and how generous others can be. I play it often.
As you can guess…that night was a HUGE turning point for me. Huge. The next morning, I woke-up and just laid in my bed…replaying every detail of the night before in my head. All I could do was just smile and laugh at how ridiculous it was…I mean seriously, I was fighting singing in front of everyone so hard, and even still I ended-up doing it…against my will at first and then willingly. And then my mind drifted to that brief conversation with Matt and Jen about the world race…the one where I simply said “Yes” about my interests towards doing it. I realized that that was the first time in my life where I had been able to give a direct answer without reservations in regards to my future plans. That’s crazy…how could I possibly be able to give them such an answer? Where did that come from? Oh of course…my heart. Deep down, that desire has always been there, but it’s been covered by so many other interests and so-called “desires” that I thought were more important at the time, that I forgot it had been there all along, just waiting to be rediscovered. So I just accepted that desire and started to pray hard about it…about the possibility of doing it and if this was truly from God. I prayed God would give me confirmation about doing the World Race and then reassurance along the way if I pursued it. The next morning, God gave me confirmation. Isaiah 61:1- “The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners,” really God, You couldn’t possibly be more obvious. I guess I’m pursuing this crazy World Race thing! Here we go…
That day in the office, I requested more information about the world race online, gave them my email address and phone number and left it at that…not expecting much to come of it. That afternoon, a woman from the organization called me and asked how she could help me with the world race? Her name was Morgan Willette. So I began to ask her all sorts of questions and she answered most of them…then she said to me, “I noticed that your contact email is a has the same ending as former racer…by chance do you know Austin Demny?” what?! Could the world be any smaller?! Of course, I told her I did and she proceeded to tell me that he was on her team for the World Race and that she knew him very well. She asked me to say hello to him for her. I promised I would. The call ended soon thereafter. Mind you, I will forever connect Austin with the World race so it was yet another form of confirmation to doing the world race…her knowing Austin was incredibly unlikely…but she did. I guess You really want me to do this thing God…I will pursue it as long as you keep the doors open for me to.
The next morning, I filled-out my application for the World Race and just left it be…did not submit it, but prayed hard about it. I was hesitant to submit it because there was a $50 fee to send it in…since I’m not made of money, that was kind of a lot for me to let go of especially if this wasn’t going to go anywhere. So I prayed for a sign. Once again, not expecting much to happen…haha. The day progressed with nothing out of the norm. As I was getting ready for bed that night, I decided to check my work email for some strange reason. I never check my email before bed, but I felt like I really needed to for some reason…God was prompting me to even though I didn’t realize it at that moment. So I open my email indifferently, half expecting to have nothing unusual, and half expecting to have something from the world race. I was right on both accounts. I skipped over the usual mail and went straight to the world race email…opened it, skimmed it, and stopped in disbelief at the very last sentence. IF YOU SEND IN YOUR APPLICATION BEFORE DEC. 25TH, YOUR APPLICATION FEE WILL BE WAIVED. Could this really be happening?! My entire body just froze, literally. My heart quickened and heat washed over me….this is the sign! My application is totally free if I send it in now! Now?! NOW! AHHHH!!!
I submitted it quickly soon after I realized what God was telling me and then immediately called my mother…haha. This was a Wednesday night when both my mom and dad have busy nights at church and are usually exhausted by the time they get home. But I could not contain my joy!!! I needed to tell someone! So I called sometime around 9:30 pm, praying with all my might that my mother would pick up the phone. To my relief, she did and since I was on a one-track wavelength, I immediately unloaded everything that had just happened with an insane amount of joy and laughter! I talked with her for close to an hour and then I told Austin crazy things were happening, that God was doing some incredible stuff in my life, and that he and I needed to sit down and talk about the world race some more. We made plans to meet the next day for coffee.
We meet for coffee, have great conversation, totally on the same brainwave and then I told him the BIG news…I applied for the world race. He just stared at me, a huge grin forming on his face, along with a deep, joyful laugh emerging from his soul. No words at first. He congratulated me and I began to pick his brain about his world race experience. The conversation then flowed into substantial and encouraging spiritual discussion that caused me to walk away 2 hours later feeling overwhelmed with joy and love of God in my life. Yep, we are definitely gunna be good friends. And we are.
Dec. 18th, I interviewed for the World Race and it went wonderfully. Probably the best interview I’ve ever been through actually. And then I just continued to wait, and wait, and wait…went through 2 more interviews, waited some more and prayed a ton! Then Feb. 4th, at 10:30 am, the world race called me and told me they would love to move me forward in the process…aka: I had been accepted!!! AHHHHHH!…it hasn’t quite sunk in, but it will. But how incredible, right?! Through all my kicking and screaming and avoiding at all costs, God still managed to break through my walls and bring me to a place where I could never have imagined I would be. I am going to travel the world, doing missions for God. How cool!!! I feel so blessed and honored that God has called me to serve Him in this way…I am thrilled!
And so, all this to say, my heart has been re-awakened to serving God like never before…on the mission field.
The LORD is my strength and shield; my heart trust in him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him. ~Psalm 28:7
