Choose Freedom!
Sitting in my hostel in Bucharest at our debrief. Thinking a lot about last month and how in the hard times – God is always there, always faithful and always has something for us.
Do we always choose His way though?
So I left you last with an honest blog of being so homesick. I got comfy last month of sinking into the sickness. I got comfy with being lazy. I decided that I didn't like this month- "I don't like this ministry!", "I want to be in Honduras!", " I don't know how to build houses", " I hate sanding", " I cant plaster a stupid wall", " I am for people" – these are the things that went through my mind!!
Quite frankly I was in a downer and my attitude sucked!
The culture in Romania is so different from Central America. In Romania the people are so reserved. We had spent 3 months with smiling faces and being excepted as family, to people that were more cold and kept there distance.
You could feel a different atmosphere, a different culture. This was culture shock!
So during this funk I was in, I was sitting in the dining room when a guy called John came in and said." I am here with a bus to go to church if you would like to go?" I had heard talk about us going to a youth service and through the whole day I was saying " Nah! I am not going". But when he came, for some weird reason something inside me screamed that I had to go! Probably my spirit because honestly I was drying up! I ran and got a jumper and before I knew it I was on the way to church.
We entered the church and it was full of young people. The music started, which was a lot of Hillsong, only in Romanian. For the first time in that month God started to speak so clearly. I looked around me and I experienced true freedom. These young people were jumping, they were dancing and praising God. They were full of joy and full of real thankfulness. It made me think about their country and how they have been out of communism for 20 odd years but in so many ways their country is in so much bondage and oppression. These people had true freedom and it wasn't just because their country was free but it was because they had Christ
I thought about me- how in Scotland I have always had my freedom. Freedom of speech, freedom to choose what I believe. I have had the freedom to choose to be truly free yet this whole month I was choosing to be in prison. Shutting myself down and not wanting to be present. Where is the freedom in being miserable? What right do I have to be miserable? Who am I to choose not to give my all to God? I realised that even in the hard times even when you are at the lowest of lows and feel like you cant go on any longer- That is when we need to choose to get up and go for God, because at the end of the day, no matter how I am feeling, He always deserves the Glory! He died so that I can be free-so I never have the excuse to not glorify him even when my emotions are crazy.
The funniest thing is I am such a positive person and I hate being negative! I hate being in a downer so why was I letting it happen to me? Why was I giving satan a foothold?
God broke me that night! He spoke so clear to me and changed my attitude in so many levels. I started to go to every youth service that was on.I started to hang out with some of the guys from the Church. I started to pray for the things that annoyed me and upset me. I turned everything into prayer and He started to change my heart! I may not have grown to love the construction but I saw the great purpose behind it. I say that my oxygen is for people and relationships- this ministry may not be connecting with the person , but it sure is for people and relationships. Building a home for a family – thats building a future for relationship!
Friends from salem church in romania 🙂
I am not saying it is easy to change your attitude and get out of the funk, but some times we need to see the bigger picture! We need to see that God is always showing us something. I knew God did not send me to Romania to be miserable or useless! I believe he has something for me in every single country I go to. Sometimes we need to get out of the sickness and run to Him. He is all we have to cling on to. One thing I know for fact is that when we truly cling to Him and nothing else then we are free!
Lets not miss out on what God has for us because we are too wrapped up in ourselves!
One day I was going to a church picnic and I said to God-" God I don't know the people very well so I am going to give this day to you. If you have conversations that I need to have then make them happen"
I got 3 different conversations with people. This made me so Happy 🙂
None of them were because I tried- all of them happened because God arranged it!
me, suzy and alys talking with Mihai
One of the conversations was with a guy named Mihai (Michael) – He came up to me and said he loved my tattoos – he then showed me his tattoo which was a scene from the movie "requiem for a dream". I said "wow – why did you chose to get this?"
this is what mihai had tattood on his back.
He told us that he had been a heroin addict for 12 years – he shared with me a little about his life and the struggles he has had. The judgement people were giving him. The addiction he struggled with. He then told me he got clean through teen challenge :). He is now clean and studying at bible school. He talks about how he struggles with people still judging him but how he knows that he is loved and he knows to love those that has hurt him.
This was a changed man. His dream is to start a teen challenge is Oradea 🙂
A man that once was trying so hard to kill himself through drug addiction is now living and having dreams to help those who have been where he was!
Honestly it blew my mind! Meeting changed people is a joy!
We were able to pray for him and encourage him in his dreams.
That night I was so thankful to God! I thought " God if I was still dwelling in my stinking attitude then I would never have had the conversations I had today" That may seem like a simple conversation but we have no idea what we are impacting in people or even better what they are impacting in us!
Thank you Jesus 🙂
So don't miss the opportunity! Choose joy, choose to live in the freedom He has given us! I know thats easier to say than do and I am not saying that the hard times wont come because they will haha! These 4 months have been the hardest of my life but they have been the most rewarding and challenging and it is changing me!
So I am choosing to live in the freedom He has gave me!
