This month was an interesting one to begin with. At the start I was feeling very spiritually dry. My quiet times were not as fruitful. I was feeling distant from the Lord, and feeling I was not able to discern His voice for things that were going on inside me personally. I was struggling mentally with a performance mindset; trying to do things out of my own strength and worrying about how I was measuring up.
My feelings of inadequacy came to a height about a week and a half into the month. I could not get out of my head and analyzing where I was struggling and how to better those areas. I reached out to my co-leaders for prayer and they responded with truth and built me up.
It wasn’t until about a week later, I listened to a podcast by Jennifer Toledo about her testimony that the Lord spoke directly to me through it. Toledo describes this time in her story where she felt so inadequate because she had a HUGE task in front of her. She was crying out to the Lord, spilling her heart out, sharing her feelings of inadequacy with Him. And He gently responded to her with, “You are totally, completely inadequate. Don’t ever forget it, because that’s your greatest strength.” DANG! When I heard that, I literally started to laugh/cry. It was such a beautiful moment because it was exactly what I needed to hear and the exact moment I needed it.
This truth resonated deep within side of me. I AM INADEQUATE. And I’m okay with that! Yes, the Lord has gifted me in different areas and He has most definitely called me to squad lead for this appointed time- for O-squad. The cool thing though is the things that matter most, the things of eternal difference in the lives of O-squad, cannot come from me, but only from Jesus. I must be so dependent upon Him, to hear His voice, in order to give O-squad what He wants.
It was like a light went off in my head, not just a light bulb, but a floodlight! It seems like a no brainer now- just give everything over to God! Don’t get me wrong, this is a truth that I know, but it has taken on a new and deeper meaning for me.
Since hearing this, I have been able to give over my performance mentality, and repent of the times I have compared myself to others. It has allowed break through in my life to realize and embrace whom the Lord has created me to be on a deeper level! Praise Jesus!
This path towards my true self is a continuous one, and I’m excited to see how He uses this deeper understanding of myself, and confidence for His glory.
I pray that if ever you feel inadequate for the task at hand, you rely on The Father even more. We are inadequate, and that’s the beautiful part about it…that’s when He gets glorified the most, because it’s nothing we could have done to accomplish it.
Thanks for reading,
Dani
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Update on fundraising:
Thank you for your continued support!! I am still in need of $2,360 by May 31st to reach my deadline of $3,500. If 23 people did two monthly donations of $100, I would be $60 away from meeting my goal. Consider coming alongside me prayerfully and financially, so that I may finish out this race and lead O-squad well!
Prayer Requests:
-For my co-leaders and I. That we continue to stay united and do all that the Lord is asking us to do.
-For O-squad that they continue to seek the Lord in everything and give all they have to the ministries they are involved in.
-Travel mercies. We are taking a bus to Honduras on the 30th from Costa Rica. Pray that everything runs smoothly with the bus company!
