The Thai culture is a lot different from the American culture and extremely different from the Central American culture (where I have just spent the last 3 months). The last couple months I was so used to hugging everyone, kissing the cheek of everyone I met, etc. Overall, the main difference I noticed was emotions…feelings…happiness…sadness. In Central America it’s easy to tell exactly what someone is feeling. Here in Thailand this is not the case. What we call it is keeping face. People in Thailand usually are taught to not show emotion, or at least to make it seem like they have it all put together and that everything is fine.
When I first got here, I didn’t feel like I related to anyone in this culture whereas in Central America, I felt like I fit right in to this overwhelmingly loving culture. At first I felt like I stood out like a sore thumb here.
The first half of this month consisted of trying to find my purpose here. For the first while I had such a hard time being here, but I finally realized what God was teaching me this month. I was going on 9 weeks of not being able to walk. The previous 8 weeks had been tough, but I had kept it together. I was fine. In Spanish I would say “esta bien” constantly, which meant “it’s alright.” It’s alright.
It’s alright.
I coped with my injury by making light of the situation and always being ok with where I was at. Most of the time I honestly was okay, but I didn’t want to be upset about it. From the start I knew God was going to teach me lessons during this process, so I always made myself okay with why I was going through this. It wasn’t until Thailand (8 weeks after it happened) that I was finally upset, mad, and sad….broken. I was broken. What does that mean? I had never felt broken before. I realized that I had been keeping face for a while, and now I could finally let that go and finally let myself break down. I didn’t like the feeling, but at the same time I felt free and it felt good. I learned that it’s good to let yourself feel broken. It’s okay to have a hard time. It’s real and that it’s okay to not be okay. When we bring struggles to the light, it takes a burden off of our shoulders and it lets God in.
Going through this helped me understand what the Thai people may feel like, but for them it’s all the time. This is their life.
Our main ministry this month is bar ministry, where we become friends with the prostitutes and eventually try to help them realize that their life is worth so much more. One of my first nights in the bar, I realized that these prostitutes keep face to such a grand scale that their face must be like porcelain. These young, beautiful girls work and try so hard to get any client that will pay them. Regardless of his personality, looks, etc. they have to act like they really want them. I can’t even imagine what they go through because they have to keep this porcelain face on all the time just so they can get the money to pay the bills, support their children at home, or just simply live.
I pray for the day that they are able to break through this face and be free. Although we are in very different situations, in my brokenness, I was able to think about how the prostitutes must feel behind their porcelain faces.
Please pray for the prostitutes to be able to see their worth and help them know that they are beautiful. Pray for the men who come to the bars because even though it’s hard not to hate them, they are God’s children too and they are broken inside as well. Pray for us to be able to form strong friendships with these wonderful girls in the bars.
Thank you for all your support and prayers. 🙂
