Apologizing about not writing a blog is pointless at this time. It's been sometime and so much has happened and changed, it's going to take time to catch up on everything. This is not even recognizing the fact I did not blog nearly as often as I should have beginning back in October of 2011.
I have been out traveling the world for nearly 11 months at this point. I had zero expectations of what this journey would be like simply because I had ever been on a true long term missions trip, and my relationship with God and my own soul was in its infancy. I'll give a quick run down of the positions I have held and a logistical sense of the trip.
My first role was as a team leader. I had no clue what discipleship meant let alone what the Holy Spirit was capable of producing. As a leader in this realm, that of Christians, I was definitely out of my wits. These people, who are now basically family, knew about God and all the truth which sets us apart from non believers without ever judging anyone based on their faith or relationship with God. To them I was no different. They did not judge me or my circumstance or lack of any Godly giftings or Holy Spirit embrace. They simply loved. As a leader in this environment, I simply served. I truly did not know what else to do. I served our contacts in Guatemala, El Salvador, and Honduras; and my team followed suit. There where times when I occasionally would run someone or group over because I was focused on job performance and completion. Through many conversations I realized I had to slow down with others, and serve them instead of the task at hand. After the first 2 months I was in a different place about task vs relationship and it has changed me forever. I had to let go of the behavior I had built in to myself and reset based on the new person God was growing me to be. This theme is the most common on my journey. Being made new and different daily in order to submit and obey to my God and my peers as I abandoned my own mission and gave into the World Race's. In this profound switch, I realized the prideful person I was.
My second role was of a humble racer. I did not have a choice but to submit to my leader, team and contact. I was no longer running the show and in so many ways it taught me that ultimately, no one is, only God leads. I had zero difficulty giving up my leader title because I knew I had always led others in every other aspect of life and never needed a title then, so this place was no different. It was fun to change it up and watch others go through the awkwardness of self doubt and persevere within their peer groups. I acknowledge the depth team leading can take one on their journey with Christ, but also how no title or role is necessary. So for the next 5 months I stood in the gap for so many people back home, on the race, on my team, and in the ministries I worked. I became an intercessor and walked into it unknowingly. This, by the way, is something else I was blind too, being an intercessor. I fasted and prayed for family, friends, ministry contacts, teammates, my future, jobs, and so much more. Hearing the voice of God was never something I longed for or had to work, and in this time he spoke to me very clearly. I have come to realize he has always been with me through every single dumb thing I have ever put myself through or been a part of and I am beyond thankful and ever submitting to his plan for my life. My time as a racer was so profound, I am sure I will be looking back on those times for years to come and they will be the most forming years of my identity. I am thankful I was drawn near and chose his love.
At this point in my journey I have completely let go of my old life and my identity which was wrapped in cycling, performance across the board, making money, and attempting to thrive under my own power. I'm sure you can guess I got pretty stressed out for the most part, even as I was beginning to understand God and his ways. My life before this journey began was riddled with so many wounds and issues. I feel as if my time first 8 months on this journey, God took me and made me an entirely new guy! I rest in his love well and am still learning all the characteristics of a true living and breathing God. I know that I do not have To wait for heaven because I have the ability to enter into relationship right this second with the Father of the Universe. It's brilliant! I am stronger than I have ever been not because I have worked out my judgement issues or relational boundaries, but because I know the weak person I am and fully trust in my identity in Christ I am taking steps to walk in.
So hear I am. Month 11 of this journey leading, serving this group in the final 3 months as we round out Southeast Asia. It's been quite the journey and I am incredibly thankful for the opportunity to have traveled the globe and learn about relationship with others and God.
– Dan
