Throwing up, yes. That is what I want to share with you. Really gross, huh?
This story continues after the surrender walk.
After the surrender walk we had a bone fire. During that bond fire the staff called me out. They asked me “do you really want to be here?” “you seem so distant from the group and not wanting to interact.” Oh yes they were Right! Satan had been attacking me all week. He was telling me not to trust these people I am with. I have been hurt all my life by letting people into my life. So, I was at camp, but not there. Then I started to tell Allison and Kayla (the staff) what I was going through and why I was acting that way. Maybe a little more then they wanted to hear. I was crying my brains out. They prayed for me an encouraged me. I really needed that to push me over the edge. Very good people at AIM. That really care.
Then I went back to the bond fire for worship. They were doing an activity where you grab something and throw it in the fire and say something that is a burden. I was sitting back and hearing everyone while crying at the same time. Then one of the staff that was there was talking about his story about how he would jump in front of cars to try to kill himself. Then it reminded me of ME. When I did not want to live. There were many failed attempts of suicide in my past. The I realized how messed up I am for never letting go of that. How Satan manipulated me to think I am worthless. That was when you could hear the anguish and intensity in my cry. It was so deep. I knew it was time for me to deal with my past and leave it in God’s hands. It was not my battle anymore.
Finally, I was able to get some strength to get up and burn what I had to burn. My voice slowly started to break into crying. I said ” I burn the lies of Satan and the shame of my PAST.” I was done holding and believing all of that CRAP I was holding on to. I had to grief my past to the point where I had no more strength in my body. I literally grieved for the whole day until the morning.
The next morning was team building time. It was an important day. I had a fever, I was throwing up, I had no strength left in my body. I wanted to be there but I could not be there. Everything was spinning!
Then right after breakfast we had meeting time and one of the girls from Comm Life went up to tell her testimony about what happened yesterday.
she described how emotionally drained she was about everything
that happened in her life yesterday. Then she started to talk about how she got
a fever in the morning and started to throw up and how she had no strength in
her body! I was like that is ME! Then she said that she realized that Satan was
attacking her in that way, so that she won’t be able to interact with her team
that day. Then her team laid hands over her and God took all of the sickness
away. Wow!! That is what I was going through.
However, I still did not tell anyone I was going through
that. I was acting like nothing was wrong… Satan was still getting in the way
of telling my brothers and sisters of how I was feeling.
Then I got to the point where I could not focus and started
to see blurry. Everything was spinning 100 MPH. Then I was able to tell one of
the staff’s how I felt. She said you want to lie down in your cabin. I was like
no way! I wanted to keep going. Then I finally gave in and lied on a mat that
was on the floor in the middle of all the activity that was going on.
So, all of a sudden Hailee came over on sat on top of me,
hahahaha…. But then she realized that I did not feel good. I started to tell
her how I was feeling and she was like that is the same way the other girl was
feeling.
Then she got a group of girls to pray over me. So, all my
sisters laid hands on me. Then a minute later God healed me. I felt so much
better, even though; I was still a little emotionally drained. But the fever
and throwing up went away. Praise the Lord.
The moral of the story is… Open your heart, take a chance.
Don’t let Satan rob you from something that may be wonderful. Trust that God
want to take all of your burdens. And your past doses not make you who you are
today! God sent His only son to die for us, even though we do not deserve it,
but we should be grateful and accepting of it. We are worthy in his eyes.
Ephesians 2:4-9 (KJV)
But God, who is rich in mercy, for his great love wherewith he loved
us, Even when we were dead in sins, hath quickened us together with
Christ, (by grace ye are saved;) And hath raised us up together, and
made us sit together in heavenly places in Christ Jesus: That in the
ages to come he might shew the exceeding riches of his grace in his
kindness toward us through Christ Jesus. For by grace are ye saved
through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not
of works, lest any man should boast.
