Hiding behind all of
the SHAME is what I call my life.
I have been hiding to
long. I want the world to know my story…
I have been inspired
by and organization that is called To
Write Love On Her Arms. This organization helps people that deal with depression,
suicide,
and addiction.
Those three words sum up my life.
God has set me FREE and am not ashamed anymore!
My father was a
pastor/ missionary. Before he came to Christ he ended up being a street kid, on
his own will. He fell into heavy drugs… Then he went back to his old habits
after my sister and I were born. So, I grew up in an abusive home. My father
was a drug addict/ alcoholic.
He would steal from
my mom to the point where we would not be able to afford food to eat. He would
beat her up in front of me and my sister. We literally had to run away at night
from Mexico to come to San Diego and stay with
family. That was just to escape when he would go crazy while he was on drugs.
Then he would do
other things like get knives and try to kill himself in front of us. He would
turn on the stove to burn his wrist. Sometimes we would end up looking for him
at 3am in the streets. We would always find him passed out in the streets or
alleys.
After we moved out of Mexico
to come and live in San Diego
things got worse. We were living in places full of roaches with no beds or
anything. My dad was getting worse in health and using more drugs because he
said he did not want to live anymore.
He finally drove himself
to death. He killed himself by all of the drugs he was consuming. He lost his
battle in 1996.
he was not. So, please don’t think of him as the worse guy in the world. He
really was a loving father deep down inside.
started taking my sister and me to a Pentecostal church in Mexico. The church was at my grandma’s
house, that is how it started. I was into it at first. I taught Sunday school
there. Then the church fell apart because the pastor slept with one of the
teen girls at the church. I did church for 3 years. Then I fell into the things of
the world.
After leaving I was
trying to find something to fulfill my life. So I found it in weed and hanging
out with older friends. I was only 13 years old when I first started to smoke and
drink. I also started to do heaver drugs that made me fill the void.
I was also a suicidal
teen. I would cut my wrists to try to ease the pain when I had no drugs. I
would lock myself up in my room and drink a whole thing of pills. I would try
to run in front of cars and see if I could be killed. I’m still here so they
were failed attempts.
So, when I was 14
years old I decided to move out of my house with friends. The drugs just got
worse. I started to hang out with older guys. BAD things happened… I was a
mess! I had no direction, no hope, and no self-worth.
Then
when I was 16 I came back home to San
Diego with a broken heart. I found new friends with
drugs. I was even more depressed, that I got into cocaine/ meth because I hated
the way I looked. I hated my body. I wanted to be skinny like all the other
beautiful girls. I thought it was an easy drug to hide away from my mom because
you could not tell if I was on it.
She has never really ever told me that she knew I was on
that drug, but I think she knew. I lost so much weight. So, it would be hard
not to notice.
doing this drug was my ex-boyfriend. I felt loved by him and that is how I
filled my void. My relationship with this guy was emotionally and physically
abusive. He had all control of my life. I was at the point where I was going
to get married to this guy. But thank God he stopped it! God had different plans!
Furthermore, then I fell into
depression and started to do drugs again. There was one day when it was all of
my friends from work having a get together. We were doing Shrooms, Weed, Cocaine,
all at the same time. My body did not take it well. All of a sudden I could not
breathe. I fell to the floor. All I could remember thinking at that time was
telling God to give me a chance. I did not want my family to know me as a drug
addict that died (like my father). My friends told me I turned blue my eyes
rolled back and I had no pulse. I died!!! But, then God gave me that seconded
chance and brought me back to live. But, I still took my life for granted!
After that I moved out with my
friends, but I really stopped doing drugs at this point. I was just parting and
smoking weed once in awhile. Things were good! Then one day the girls that have
been my friends for 10years decided to steal all of my money to buys drugs. I
was fed up! I was tired of this life!
I finally moved back
home where I was depressed to the point where I tried to kill myself many
times. I literally had to cry myself to sleep everyday. I was empty! I had no
hope! I felt like no one cared. I felt lonely.
Then one day I was
finally able to get out of my house and face the world and go to church. My
sister had been telling me about this amazing church that I would like. She was
like they play your favorite type of rock music! I was like what the hell, I’ll
GO!
At that point it is
where I got saved! I fell to my knees of my KING! He cleansed my sins and set
me free!
have never went back. I have been saved for over 4 years now! AMEN!
After becoming a
Christian I was persecuted because I was a Christian. I lost the most amazing
job that I loved because I was a Christian. But I still kept faithful.
I started an
orphanage ministry.
I started a young
adult ministry.
Now the World Race.
But best of all I AM
GOD’S CHILD!
This is just the beginning
for me God has more amazing plans for me.
Kingdom COME!
