Sleepless nights
Lots of tears
Crazy emotions
Being broken and humbled
Painful process
Why God?
Unsure of what the point of all this mess is but choosing to trust God.
Yes. This is what I signed up for by going on the world race.
Its been a crazy few days for the entire I squad- the 33 of us who
left the USA in June and embark on a missionary journey to 11 countries
in 11 months. The whole squad is together now in Bucharest, Romania,
working at a camp for children. We’ve experienced tremendous change in
the last 3 days. We’ve lost 3 people, my team has been dissolved and
there’s been changes in leadership. Early Thursday morning Rachel
left to go back to the States for health reasons, but plans to return
to Nicaragua and do ministry in an orphanage where her team was in
July. Thursday evening I found out that my team, Azariah is no
more. The six of us have been dispersed into the remaining 4 teams on
the squad. Cori is the new leader for team Abandon and Tiffany is a
squad leader. Late Friday night and into Saturday morning the entire
squad was humbled as we gave Taylor and Megan a tearful and sudden
goodbye. Taylor’s words “It pleased God to crush His own Son…”
because that was God’s plan for human redemption. Likewise it pleases
God to crush me. I sense that God has crushed us. Every single person
on I squad is experiencing pain and loss in some way. God is breaking
us and humbling us. At training camp they told us the importance of
grieving and assured us that we would experience loss- and I see that
now all around me.
Odd as it may sound, I have this strange excitement about our state
of brokenness. Yeah, its hard and painful, but when you are broken
there is an unparalleled desperation for God. We were so united last
night- literally on our knees and faces before God. I think brokenness
allows you to see how messed up you really are, how desperately you
need a Savior, and you just seek the Lord more. God wants to bring us
deeper, go beyond a superficial understanding and experience of Christ
and this is how He is doing that in my squad. God is using these
events for His renown. Take heart I squad- God is using this to shape
us and mold us into the warriors He created us to be.
