Ideal Self….Real Self….True Self
As cheesy as it may sound, dividing these three up and choosing which one to believe is one of, if not the biggest struggle. I’m saying it’s a daily struggle to decide who we allow to tell us what we believe about ourselves.The ideal self is who culture and society says we are. The ideal self gets it’s rules and regulations from mainly media and those around us. The real self is who we, as an individual,say we are. We set our own personal standards for who we are and hold our own beliefs about ourselves. And the true self is who God says we are. This is who we are actually are and who we are actually created to be. But which views on our self stem from which self?
The last few months for me have been trying to figure this out. How much from society has seeped into my beliefs of who I am…or better phrased, who I should be. Recently a close friend pointed out to me that I frequently use the statement “I should” or “I should’ve” to describe myself. Phrases such as “I should’ve gone to the gym this morning”, “I should focus more”, or even “I shouldn’t of done that, that was too weird”. This mindset has also found it’s way into my faith life. “I should read the Bible more”, “I should’ve offered to volunteer at that event”, “I shouldn’t of slept in so i could’ve done my devo”. (The could or could’ve are also another over used phrase of mine). And though these should’s and could’s are not necessarily bad, where are these standards coming from? Because going to the gym to be healthy is by no means bad. Being focused on a task or person is definitely not bad. Being socially appropriate and having good social skills is beneficial for being with people. And being in the Word, helping The Church spread the Good News at an event, and practicing a devotional are all good things. When I really dig into it and think it through, I’ve created these should’s based on expectations of the culture I’m in. I tell myself to go to the gym because this culture tells me I need to have a good body to be accepted. It says I need to focus on getting into a good grad school or focus on this specific group of people to be accepted. It says I shouldn’t be weird to be accepted. And in the Christian world we are told to be accepted as a good servant of Christ we must practice and perform appropriately to be accepted. Hopefully I’ve been repetitive enough with the phrase, “to be accepted”.
Our “real self”is where we gauge our self and our performance. We internally grade ourselves on how we’re doing. The key word often used with this is “enough”. The key word can go either way too. We either believe we are doing “good enough” or “not enough”. Unfortunately, it seems the negative of this word is how we tend gauge ourselves. We believe we are not pretty enough, strong enough, smart enough. This mindset is what we allow into our belief system and where we as an individual should be in life. For me personally as someone done with school for the moment and waiting to start their ministry, I can easily fall into the “I am not doing enough” mindset.
Our “true self” is who we are in God’s eyes and all actuality. This is who God says we are. This is the ideal, and only place, we should be taking notes of ourselves. I wish I could go into a long explanation of who God says we are and how this has changed my life. But I’ve learned recently that I’m not very good about using this as my ultimate mindset template. I can state what the Bible says about God’s declarations of us and His descriptions of us as His creation. Things such as we are His children and we are the heirs of the throne. Things such as I am a daughter and I am enough and I am loved so much by the Father that He knows how many hairs are on my head (which is a ton so thatsstinkin’ amazing). I am not so naive as to think this is where I predominately hold my beliefs of who I am. I know the ideal and real self ways of thinking dominate my thoughts and standards. I know I easily fall into the thinking that I should or shouldn’t being doing something because society says so. And I frequently grade myself based on where I believe I am in life. But I am thankful for a God who knows who I am and consistently pursues me to teach me who I am.
I know God is constantly growing me and shaping me. It’s usually not fun. Being molded often hurts and is uncomfortable. But everyday, or at least every day that I allow it, God is revealing who He has made me to be. He’s refocusing the blurred image of myself so that I may see who I am through His eyes. I may not get to see the full, clear image until I am standing next to Him, but my goodness I am thankful for God who loves me so much to want me to see myself through His eyes .
