Pride gets no pleasure of having something, only out of having more than the next man…It is the comparison that makes you proud: the pleasure of being above the rest. Once the element of competition is gone, pride is gone.
-C.S Lewis Mere Christianity
This past week the team and I listened to a sermon that dissected 1 Corinthians 4:1-7 and the issue of pride. Admittedly, pride is a something I’ve struggled with pretty much since coming out of the womb. Not just in the case of having too much of an ego, but also swaying the complete other way and holding little to no value in myself. It’s been a teeter totter effect for as long as I can remember. I seem to constantly be in competition with someone, even myself, to be better or do more. Though once one competition was done I could never stay satisfied because another competition had to start to stay on top. If I didn’t win, my ego and pride would take a huge hit. The Race has challenged me to analyze this and even combat the problem. I’m still working on it and trying to figure out a good balance, but I want to share some pieces from the sermon that were helpful for me.
To start, I love Paul. He is devoted to his beliefs, faithful, stubborn and so stinkin sassy I can hardly handle it. In verse 3 of chapter 4 Paul says, “I care very little if I am judged by you or by any human court; indeed, I do not even judge myself.” At first everything in me screams, “HECK YEAH PAUL! LET EM KNOW” (enter the retro No One But God Can Judge Me tattoos.) But when I started genuinely thinking about it, I struggled to wrap my head around how Paul actually did that. How can I accomplish what Paul is preaching? How can I live my daily life not letting other’s opinions, or my own opinions, influence me? Did Paul actually do this or was he just speaking words? Question after question came at this verse, so much so I doubted it was possible. Thankfully the sermon went on.
The lesson focused on both ends of the spectrum; the issue of pride and of low self-esteem. I often swing back and forth with these two, which is what many of us do. When we feel ourselves becoming too cocky or arrogant, or even see someone else becoming too prideful, the natural solution in our minds is to come down a few pegs, sometimes more than a few pegs. We tear ourselves, or someone else, down to remove the toxic pride. But in it’s place comes devaluing a child of God. We think we’re fixing a problem but we’re just replacing it with another. Or even we walk around inflated because we think we’re doing everything right, but then something happens that deflates us. The same works in reverse. And the question still holds, how can Paul live a life where no one judges him, not even himself? Isn’t that a little prideful to say? But look at 1 Timothy 1: 15 which says, “Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Jesus Christ came into the world to save sinners- of whom I am the worst.” Paul is fully acknowledging he is a sinner, the worst as a matter of fact. The point to recognize is Paul is not identifying his sins with his identity. He knows he is a sinner and that he often messes up but he doesn’t allow it to hinder his Kingdom work. He’s not focusing on himself, worrying about what others think of him or critiquing his daily performance. Instead, he is forgetting himself entirely and focusing on one who forgave his sins.
The image 1 Corinthians 4 gives is that of a court room. Paul is explaining he’s not allowing others to take him to court daily, he’s not allowing himself to take him to court daily, he’s not even going to court at all! Paul refused to live his life as if he was waiting on a verdict. Jesus went to trial for us and the verdict is already in. We don’t have to live our lives hoping our performance will give us a good verdict for the day, which personally I’m thankful for because I don’t think on the average day I’d be receiving a pardon. So instead of living my life daily worrying about what I did or how I performed, I implement blessed self-forgetfulness, no longer focusing on me or how I’m performing, but on the one who knows me fully from my beautiful characteristics to my ugly faults and still calls me child whom He loves.
I’m not quite there yet, I did just learn this idea. But I’m pretty dang pumped to practice and live my life in blessed self-forgetfulness so that all my attention can be on Jesus and His Kingdom. Even on the days that I fall short of this concept, that’s okay, it’s not like I’m on trial.
