As I sit here in the Presence of God meditating on His word He flashes me back of times I had in Him praying certain scriptures over myself. I could see myself in that place back home with Him, lifting up that Word and declaring it knowing that there was so much more than what I was walking in. Hungry for His plans and purposes and not being satisfied knowing that there was a whole other world and race out there waiting for God to send me to do something with all He invested in me training and preparing me for this time.
Hear me out I by no means know much at all. I’m not a bible scholar at all and know very little about theology. I rarely can give you chapter and verse. I hate religion and dead letter(people mentally knowing the word without the spirit and drawing conclusion from their intellect) It denies the works of Jesus!!
But one thing I do KNOW is that this amazing Lover of my soul Jesus delivered me from my old sin nature, a life of fear, oppression and addiction and brought me back into relationship with my Heavenly Father and has put His Holy Spirit in me transforming me to a brand new creation. And this is what I have come to KNOW–intimacy with the One who saved me, the One who raised me, the One who gave me Life now and forevermore.
He is real and alive in my life! And my greatest desire besides knowing Him is to make Him known to the world. He has surely trained me to cling to Him, to trust Him, to commune with Him on a constant basis. Relationship, fellowship and devotion with my Creator and Father…
He groomed me in a secret place while I cried out to Him in the midst of rejection when no one else was there. He trained me to look to Him only, to have my eyes and dependency on Him alone.
He was grooming me as I cleaned toilets and times I would literally weep over toilets, or scrubbing a stove top when the spirit of God would come on me so strong I would yield to intercession–weeping and groaning for all the lost souls. Knowing that people were dying and going to hell, I could not even bear it at times!! With weepings and groanings to deep for utterance (romans 8:26) praying out the plans and purposes of God for the nations in an unknown tongue not knowing at the time what I was really praying, until I meet those prayers around the world and face the people I have literally wept over. There’s no way to explain it and it makes no sense to the carnal mind. It is the most amazing and supernatural experience!! An adventure, a mystery being revealed continually only by the eyes of the spirit. To know Him….to really know Him…
Many have thought I was crazy and I have suffered much rejection just because of how I walk with the Lord, I have been misunderstood, but I’m finally learning that’s ok because they misunderstood Jesus.
Some of my amazing squad mates encouraged me by saying if I was like someone in the Bible it would be John the Baptist. Well I never even had that thought, but when they said why–it was such an encouragement.
They made the comparisons that John was radical and had one focus and that was pointing everything and everyone to Jesus. He was not normal. He lived in the wilderness and was so focused on preparing the way of the Lord.
At times I feel like I’m in the wilderness. I don’t do what everyone else is doing, but am so focused on the Lord and what He wants to do. Not that people are doing stuff wrong by any means!! But I’m not interested in anything that doesn’t involve Him or edify my spirit to draw me closer to Him or conversations that are not going to edify people to grow them closer to Him. Knowing Him is the answer to everything. And I’m just simply done being ashamed of the gospel and His love for me!!!
I always have this urgency to bring everything back to Jesus! Why? Because the Bible says to fix your eyes on Him, fix your mind on Him. Well you can’t if your eyes and mind are focused on other things.
The message is urgent. Hell is real and people are choosing to go there everyday. I preached urgently to my brother and he got saved a year before he died!! I did not know he was going to die, but the spirit of God was urgent to get him saved because God knew my brother would make a stupid decision that would cost him his life. God can not control someone’s will. He lets us choose! And we are God’s hands and feet to win souls to Heaven!! I thank God I shared the gospel with urgency to my brother that day because He is in Heaven now!!! It is worth it to look like a fool for Christ to win a soul!!
People are dying because of the lack of knowledge of His Word. Christians are living defeated, depressed, struggling lives and not seeing the fruit and benefits of the Word of God here on earth because they are allowing their emotions to dictate their lives and not consumed and keeping their eyes fixed on the Word that gives you faith to receive all that Jesus provided through His death, burial and resurrection!! They are allowing the thoughts of the enemy to weigh them down because they are not taught to wage war on the enemy by casting down every lie and declaring the Word, praying in the Holy Spirit and lifting up the blood.
It’s not enough to just know the Word. Before the scripture John 8:32 where it talks about knowing the Truth and the Truth will set you free it says before that, if you abide in His word hearing, believing and doing it then you are His disciples, then it goes on to say, and you will know the Truth and the Truth will set you free. The Power is in the believing, abiding and the doing!!! Living for Him takes discipline. We must be disciplined to choose to believe when our mind is telling us opposite. We must like Paul buffet our body and resist our will and flesh and choose God’s ways!! And that takes commitment and discipline. But it is worth the freedom you walk in!!
I’m not the norm, people think I’m out of the box, but so is the things people in the bible did!! Really!! Go back and look for yourself!! The wisdom of God does not make sense to the natural mind.
Since my squad mates said that I could totally see John the Baptist. He was urgent–“repent from your sin and turn!” He wasn’t tolerant, he just told them to repent, turn away from sin to Jesus. I guess I’m passionate like that. Like come on already stop it!! Turn away from sin. Stop the pettiness, stop crying over spilled milk. Stop yielding to your emotions and flesh!! Stop letting the devil beat us down because Jesus defeated him!! Enforce the victory that Jesus shed His blood to give us!! Look to Jesus!! Look to Jesus! Look to Jesus!! Hebrews 12 even says just think of Jesus and all He went through and then compare it to what your going through. What we go through on this earth is really nothing to what Jesus went through. It’s all perception right!!! What are you looking at?!! Sorry I got off on a rampant. I guess it was a John the Baptist moment!!
So back to being in the States and the call calling me. At times these dreams these visions, these desires felt so far away, it didn’t seem like it could ever happen. Thoughts of doubt thinking how, where when? What does it even look like? I would see these clips of ministries of people in these poverty stricken countries with little children barely dressed and something in me would burn to be there. Not necessarily to just take care of them but to teach them faith, so that they would know how to receive all the promises of God. I always thought it was just me– thinking probably everyone wishes they could be doing that, but then I realized that’s not true. Not everyone feels that way when they see that and than I began to realize the call in me was calling me. This burning in me for the nations was planted in me. It was part of my destiny, the call He had placed in me, and now it was coming to the time to start manifesting.
And that is why as I sit here in awe of God to know that I am actually living a dream, and it’s only just the beginning is so uncomprehending to my mind. It really is way beyond all that I could ask, dream or pray and I don’t have words adequate enough to describe. But to pursue God with all your heart, and all of your being is so worth it!!! To not live one foot in the world and one foot in the Word. To live in a daily state of repentance that even if the smallest attitude in your heart pops up or a wrong thought we are quick to turn and repent from it knowing that it gets in the way of our fellowship with our Father and those little foxes will spoil the vine, and we can’t afford to live a day without communion and intimacy with Him.
We can’t afford to allow wrong thoughts and attitudes run rampant. We must take them captive and enforce the Victory that Jesus wrought for us or we will live defeated wimpy, hypocritical lives.
If I have to make a point this relationship is so worth it. If you have cried out–“there has got to be more to life,” I’m telling you there is so much more!! And He fills you and satisfies your and works in you to do His plan which is soooo good! Look to Him!! Be in constant communion with Him and renew your mind with His Word and Spirit every day. You will never be the same!! The Power really does lie in consistency!!
Wherever you are right now you are loved by an amazing Father with opens arms waiting to be in intimate relationship with you. He is wooing you to come closer and He has an amazing plan and purpose for your life, no matter how young or old you are!!!
I love you and am so honored that you even take the time to hear my heart and support me!! I thank my God for all you amazing people in my life!! Blessings to you and your family!!
