On December 24th, I got an exciting call. My application had been accepted to go on the Expedition Route to South America with the World Race! As soon as I hung up the phone, I fell flat on my face before God and cried, “God, I am so excited for this, but I am afraid I’m too excited. I will only do this trip if it brings you glory.
I want to find you in the centre, or else I want none of it.”
I have been desiring for months now to be able to share a first blog post expressing my joy, confidence, and assurance in going on this journey. But I cannot, because that is so far from where I have been this past while.
96 days.
It’s been 96 days since I received that phone call. I have wanted to ask for your support, by telling you that I am definitely, for sure, called to go to South America; that God has revealed his will for me to go; that my heart is ready to go. And it’s been 96 days of hoping to come to that point, 96 days of wrestling with God, 96 days of scattered, doubtful prayer and whining, mixed with constant, believing prayer and petition.
GUYS, IT’S BEEN FREAKING RAD. And freaking tiring. I’m at my end. At times I want to ride away on my bike and forget this was ever a thing. But I SO do not. This has been the most amazing, challenging, joy-filled season of my life. And here at my end, I’ve found God’s abundant, overflowing rest, and a bag of cheesy crackers.
And my prayer? That I would find God in the midst, in the very centre of it all? God, in his goodness and faithfulness has shown me how very truly little I am, and how very tender and not forgotten I am to Him. He has loved me in the most tangible ways I’d only dreamt of (if you see me, don’t hesitate to ask me how!). I’ve been a Christian my entire life, and this God that I’ve known my entire life has opened my desensitized eyes to worship Him anew. In His loving kindness and mercy, he is refining me – perfecting what I thought was already perfectly fine.
96 days ago, when I got the call, if I had known that what was ahead would be months of deliberation and conversation, prayer and crying out, I would’ve been a little less excited. And yet now, 96 days later I find myself saying to myself, “Whoa, whoa, Dais, hold up. You thought you knew life. Feeling alive. THIS is alive. THIS is amazing love. Taste and see how whole and true and sweet is God. It’s like you had only heard rumours of him, but now you have truly seen Him.”
I cannot currently make bold declarations about anything except this: that I have decided to follow Jesus. I have decided to follow Jesus. There’s no turning back.
So where does that leave the World Race? Joshua just walked past and said to Krys, “Daisy looks miserable.” Truthfully, I was kind of miserable and have been a bit miserable for the last few days because I am still a huffing puffin at God. Still wrestling with knowing the plans he has for me. But this wrestle is grace.
Because God, rich in mercy, will redeem every single thing, whether sweet or bitter, from now until I die, and work it for my good, and more importantly, for His glory – including the World Race. Whether I stay or I go, God is sovereign. And my prayer is the same, yet all the more deep.
I want to find God in the centre, or else I want none of it.
