I try explaining this feeling as we walk down the street. This weird, unnatural feeling inside. No longer believing the lies I’ve held onto for so long. No longer the person I’ve been. Yet, for whatever reason, I feel uneasy inside. I just feel, for lack of a better word, weird. Ashley turns to me, “D, you’re just growing out of spiritual puberty. Go ahead, blog about it,” and continues to explain it to me. “You know-your hormones are off, you need some new bras, you find yourself fighting with your parents. You feel kind of awkward like, ‘Why’s everybody looking at me?’ You know, spiritual puberty.”
You’re probably thinking exactly what I was. Spiritual puberty? Really? If I didn’t love her, I probably would think she’s crazy. But really, she hit the nail on the head. It makes complete, total, and perfect sense.
Most often we think of puberty as simply the period or age a person is first capable of sexual reproduction. After all, that’s what the dictionary defines it as. Puberty is so much more than just a physical change though. It is that transition between childhood and adulthood. It is a period marked with joy, pain, laughter, tears, trials, tribulations, and growth far greater than most any other time in our lives. The growth and maturation experienced in puberty is only second to that of birth! In essence, puberty is when we come alive. Why not then compare puberty to what I’m going through right now?
I’m no longer that little kid who needs to be spoon-fed the Word or be taught how to walk in freedom and truth. I’ve learned that. I’ve taken those steps, learned how to stand, discovered this new identity of mine.
But just because I’ve discovered this identity doesn’t mean I understand it. Sometimes I’m so sure of my identity through Him and everything seems to make sense. Other times, I just feel so awkward and weird, and I don’t even recognize myself. It’s not necessarily a bad thing. I’m just someone I don’t know and sometimes, that’s awkward. To look in a mirror and not recognize yourself is just weird (and I’m not talking about the fohawk here).
And just like adolescence is often referred to as a period of “storm and stress” due to conflict with parents, etc., I have found myself fighting with my Father lately. I mean, not all the time. And not even most of the time. But we do fight. And I always lose. But that doesn’t stop me from getting mad at Him sometimes. And it’s okay. It’s okay for me to fight with Him because it’s just a phase in my life and He’s growing me through it. In every fight we’ve had, He’s taught me something and MAJOR growth has come about from it. But the point is, just like pubescent teens fight with their parents, I’m no different, fighting with my heavenly Father. Sometimes we fight for days on end. Other times, I just wallow in His love. It’s the normal Father-daughter relationship. Not perfect, but real.
I’m telling you, it’s spiritual puberty.
And don’t even get me started on the hormones! Spiritual hormones that is. Well, if spiritual hormones existed… One moment I’m on fire, so passionately desiring more of Him. The next minute, I’m like “eh, whatever” and seem to be unmotivated. It’s not that I don’t care; I just don’t have the drive or passion I had 5 minutes before. I’m not at a point yet where I know how to balance that. I’m still learning how to channel the passions and desires of my heart. And that’s the thing, this is all still very much a learning process. It’s not so much a rollercoaster these days, just growth happening day by day.
Each day I wake up, I’m that much closer to Him. That much closer to being —“grown up.” Because the fact of the matter is, I’m completely, totally His. I’ve chosen into this life. I’ve let go of the past and the lies I believed. I am Daina Christ Norusis. I am free to be me. Whoever the heck that may be!
