This month has looked different from any before it from day 1. We came to this country with no money, nowhere to sleep, and nobody to contact for help. Within hours we managed to settle at a campground, use emergency cash to get us going, and things started to fall into place. Over the next few days we managed to find a few contacts, establish some relationships, play some American football, and even find time for some delicious tea. The time has been great and our teams have really been meshing well. In typical World Race fashion, however, a curve ball has been thrown our way. For this week, goodness.gracious. and Beautiful Feet have been separated into two groups and are working in two different cities in Hungary. The catch is, we’re not simply separated by team. We have been intermixed and mingled to form two completely new teams–Beautiful Grace and Good Feet. Okay, okay, maybe that’s not what they’re really called…but they could be! The point is, this year is not only about learning to work together with our team. It’s about recognizing our role in the larger body of Christ. This includes our squad as a whole. Squad unity is really the focus; teams are just the short-term way of getting there. Long story short, to promote squad unity, we’ve been mixed up and this week I am no longer with all of goodness.gracious. I am still with Ashley and Paul but I am also spending the week with Bethany, Birkleigh, Heather, and Tres. After this week we’ll all join back together, as 14, in yet a third town in Hungary.
Now that you have that little bit of background, on with the real blog 🙂
We stand there holding each other tightly, arms around the shoulders, tears welling up, as we share one last prayer as a team. We make plans when to Skype. It’s only one week yet it feels like so much more. Well, to me anyway. We hug each other goodbye for like the 5th time, literally having to force ourselves apart from one another. “Try not to have too much fun without us,” we say before one last hug. It’s only a week. It’s only a week. “We just need to leave,” I keep telling Ashley as tears roll down my cheek. This really should not be such a big deal, I keep thinking to myself, as we slowly leave teammates behind. It’s only one week and it’s what God wants, besides, the other team’s great. I feel like the pep talk is stuck on repeat as I try to just go about the day. Then finally it hits me–this is not about my team at all. It’s about something far greater than that. I love my team, I really do, but what I’ve come to realize is those tears I shed were not because I love them; I shed those tears because it finally hit me that they love me. I can’t describe the way I felt in that moment. I can’t describe that feeling of finally breaking through whatever the hell it was guarding my heart. I can’t describe the freedom of finally knowing I’m loved. And as much as I wish my struggle with love ended here, I know it’s something I’ll have to choose into daily. I know that moment, family at my side, praying together one last time, is one I’m going to have to keep in the forefront of my mind. Because it’s not enough to keep the experience of freedom a memory; I must make it an action and choose to walk in it every day. And believe me, the freedom of finally knowing I’m loved is worth whatever it takes to keep it.
