So, I laugh…a lot. It’s kind of something that I can’t control lately. I simply get taken over with this spirit of joy and well, when I do, I just can’t help myself. It usually happens during worship but sometimes, it just happens. It’s been happening more and more over the course of this past week, week and a half or so and well, I can’t say I hate it. Sure my abs hurt when I’m done. Sure I’m tired and actually quite light headed but honestly, I love it. It’s probably one of the best things to have happened while I’ve been here in Romania. While I was worshiping this morning here in Brasov, the Lord spoke to me pretty vividly. This is what He told me:
For the 9 years of pain, for the 9 years of sadness, I am giving you joy. I am restoring the joy you did not feel. I am restoring the laughter you missed out on. This is your life, beloved. This freedom is what I created you for, beautiful, and you will never life another day in darkness. So go ahead and laugh in the face of darkness and on’t care who sees because I am restoring that in you. I am restoring life in you. You hear that, LIFE!!! Live in it. Walk in it. You have it and it’s going to continue to come. I’m going to continue to flow joy through you until you believe you have it. I’m going to continue to free you until you believe you have it. So hang on, get ready, it’s on!!!
So, needless to say, that was pretty awesome. But what jumpstarted this fit of laughter you may be wondering? A vision I had from the Lord. You see, everytime I think back to this vision, I can’t help but smile and then, well, erupt with laughter. It’s that vision I want to share with you. It’s that vision that will probably make me sound crazy but hey, if you didn’t already know, I am crazy so what do I care?! This vision, this moment, is one I could never forget. It’s the day Jesus did the worm at my wedding. So, straight from my journal I present you with that vision:
So, God loves me. And today I married Jesus. In the most beautiful church, filled with the most beautiful people. I got the sense family and friends were there but all I could see were World Racers all around, lining the aisle, crowding the front. Their faces all glowing and they looked even more beautiful than ever before. I wanted to stop and hug every one of them because I loved them but I could see my groom waiting for me. The music was so beautiful, dare I say hevenly. At one point I heard Colleen singing. It was beautiful. I walked in looking absolutely gorgeous and feeling absolutely gorgeous. My scars were no more, my wounds were mad whole whole and I felt it. All eyes were on me in that moment. I could specifically see my girls and Lauren standing up front. Lauren mounthed, “You look beautiful.” I had tears of joy on my face the whole way up. When I got there, my groom aka Jesus! wiped them from my face. He just stared in my eyes (which didn’t water!!) and told me, “I love you.” He kept staring into my eyes and just holding my hands as the ceremony went on. Then we exchanged vows. His seemed like an hour as He just repeatedly told me how much He loved me and He’s never leave me. He also said He couldn’t wait until we danced again, only this time I am more grown up and can dance with Him. He said, “I love you,” again and then we kissed. And then He just got silly the rest of the ceremony. He was making silly faces and at one point He said, “Hey, remember when you were a bee?!” and played the video before my eyes. I softly smacked His shoulder and said, “Jesus!” What a silly guy. We skipped out of the church to our old VW beetle waiting for us. It was rusty and orange with cans tied to the bumper and said, “Just Married” on the window. We got to the reception hall and the dancing began! We did the cha cha slide. And Jesus did the worm! He also did the shopping cart and sprinkler and I just kept shaking my head thinking, “Oh Jesus…” Then the slower songs started and Jesus and I dancced our first dance…and we kept dancing. And as we danced, He just kept telling me, “I love you so much and am so happy to share this moment and every moment after with you.” When we weren’t dancing, He would walk around point me out to others saying, “She’s my wife.” He got jealous for me. He loved me. He loves me. He just kept showing me my moments of joy and saying, “This is your life now. This–joy, laughter, happines–is your life and I’m with you each step. I’ve conquered your darkness so now all that’s left is the light. Shine.” Oh how He loves me. It’s finally moved from my head to my heart. He loves me.
So, as I typed this vision out, the wedding march came on. No joke. I’m at a restaurant and there’s a tv on and the wedding march was playing. God is so funny. Anyway, some of the vision might not make complete sense to everyone because it does involve a previous vision about dancing with Jesus that I had where I was a little girl as well as a moment in time where, well, let’s just say I thought I was a bee. There’s really no way to explain that any better and honestly, don’t ask me about it because it was one of those had to be there kind of things. Since that vision though, well, and really multiple times since yesterday, I have seen it again and have repeatedly seen Jesus do the worm. He also started breakdancing. I know, I know, it sounds crazy but seriously, JC’s got some mad dance skills! But really, I think God has a way of showing up and speaking to us as individuals in the way we need it. Me? I need to laugh. It’s something I haven’t done enough in the past 9 years because of my depression so what does God do? He does the worm for me. Don’t underestimate the things God wants to do in your life either. It’s pretty awesome and it might just be as crazy as the worm.
erupting in a fit of laughter on the night I thought I was a bee
