I have a confession to make-I’m human. Because of that, I sometimes say or do stupid things. I know, I know, this may come as a big surprise to many people but, well, it’s true.
No, seriously though, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking over the past few days (actually, kind of months…) about who I am-my strengths, my weaknesses-and I’ve realized that there are certain things I struggle with that make me unbearable at times. One of these things is my struggle with agreeing to disagree. While I don’t have a problem with this in general, I have a very hard time getting to this point and I’ve realized that more and more lately. I’ve realized I have a really hard time going into a situation or a discussion where I know I’m going to disagree with the other person and just agreeing to live at peace among them with it. I think the reason I have such a hard time with this is because I feel like I need to present my side. Once I’ve adequately presented my side, I’m fine with it. But how do you adequately present something you hold as a belief? Something that has become a part of who you are? I’ve found that I struggle with knowing where to draw that line and just letting it go.
I bring this up for a few reasons. For one, I owe an apology to some people for the way I’ve presented myself and my views over the past few weeks. I’m not apologizing for my beliefs, simply that I didn’t know when to stop. The line between presenting your view or calling other’s out on something and being downright proud and arrogant is really not that fine of a line. Yes sometimes when you present a radical view or you call someone out on his/her behavior it might sting a bit, but it should never get to a point where you present yourself as better, holier, or more important than the other person. The truth will always remain the same-you are a child of God and so are they.
So with a sincere heart, I apologize to all those who may have felt I spoke with pride or arrogance in the past few weeks. I apologize to those who felt condemned by my views-they may not be God’s will for you. I apologize to all those who’ve heard something I said or read something I wrote and just had that funny taste in their mouth. I really am sorry. I am not perfect nor will I ever be so I apologize for coming off like I have all the answers. I’m simply trying to do what the Lord wants of me and at times I forget what He wants for me may not be what He wants for you.
The second reason I bring up this character flaw of mine is for my teammates. Goodness.gracious, I warn you all now-I am not perfect. Don’t ever let me think I am. Call me out. Please. It’s what I need and it’s the only way I can grow to be the person who God has intended me to be. I make a promise to you now that I will try to the best of my ability to be the best teammate I can and to hear the opinions of everyone, quieting mine when they need to be and learning how to move past character flaws. I promise you that I will daily remind myself that I am human and, therefore, fallible and likely to fall and that you guys are as well. I promise you guys that I will strive to give you the best of me, even when, especially when I’m tempted to give you the worst of me. I promise you that I am committed to changing and growing into the daughter of Christ I am meant to be and that I will seek to challenge you all to do the same. You have my whole-hearted commitment for the next year (and years to come as well!!). I love you all and cannot wait to be reunited with you all again in Ireland.
The last thing I want to add is a quote from The New Friars by Scott Bessenecker that I feel goes along really well with this whole needing to remind myself of my humanity (because hey, we all need to do that every now and then).
To just make sure we’re on the same page and what not, you can just think of the term “new friars” as equivalent to missionaries in this little passage.
For those of you feeling like you could never be so noble, radical and spiritual, let me assure you that they [the new friars] are made of flesh and blood and carry in them the same tendencies to mess up as you or I do. In my experience, the new friars are really quite ordinary. They are not the elite branch of the church-the Christian Marines or the Navy Seals of the faith. They are broken men and women on a journey. They experience fear, loneliness and anger. They suffer pride, lust and hatred. In some ways, that is why some of them have made the choice to live among the poor. Moving into a slum community is not so much an attempt to be “good” but is rather a place where God can better shape them on the potter’s wheel of service. The new friars are not perfect, but one thing many of them are intent on is pursuing Christ. This is the heart of their true mission.
