They say you never know what you have until it’s gone. I’ve found this to be true of far too many things in life. I’ve taken for granted friendships I once had, watching them fade away fast before my eyes and even family that I loved. This never became more real to me than this past winter. Within two months of each other I lost two of the most important people in my life–my only grandfather and the aunt that had been like a second mother to me my whole life. Within two months, my entire world was suddenly shaken and I realized, I never told them thank you. I never realized what I had. I never realized how much I enjoyed and appreciated spending countless Sunday afternoons of my childhood peeling potatoes with my grandpa until I me and my grandpa
smile on her face, the sounds of her songs, the warmth of her touch–until I was forced with this reality of no longer seeing her. Honestly, there are days I still expect to come home from the Race to see both of them waiting for me, arms open wide, ready to make up for time lost the 11 months I was gone. I never realized what I had when I had it. I never realized how important to me they were when I saw them weekly, even daily sometimes.Loss hurts. But it doesn’t have to. We don’t have to live in it.
When I think about my grandpa or my aunt, my heart hurts. I usually cry, or want to at least. But then I think of who they were and why they were important to me. I think of who they’re with now and suddenly it’s not a wound anymore. It’s just normal, natural grieving.
I didn’t choose the people. And honestly, we wouldn’t have all chosen each other. But God chose us. He united us as a team and called it goodness.gracious. It was by his grace and love that 7 strangers became family. Praying, worshiping, speaking life–this became normal Christian living. And so did seeing their faces. And hearing their laughs. And really everything about being with them. And with each passing day, as this became more and more normal, I began to take what we had for granted.
I started to realize how much I loved my team when things got switched around a bit in Hungary. But that was only temporary. When it became official, when things switched for good, I began to realize how good I had it. Each new day brought some reminder of the old. I found myself checking their facebooks, their blogs, trying to keep up however I could with these old teammates of mine. It all caught up with me Monday night when all I wanted to do was cry. For no reason at all, well none that I could pinpoint, I just wanted to cry and someone to cry to. At that moment I realized more than ever before that I missed goodness.gracious. I wanted nothing more than to have Lindsay to cry to. But in that moment I also realized, “Daina, it took you up until Bulgaria before you sought Lindsay out. Don’t let that happen with this team.”
