Hola mis amigos! I have been home for a little over a week now. Reality set in the first night back in the states and I was not prepared. However, I am adjusting as well as I can. This week has consisted of jumping right back into work and responsibilities all while already missing Costa Rica. Writing this blog has been put on a back burner. I have been putting the blog to the side because I did not know what to write and share about. There are so many thoughts in my mind to sort through so hopefully this makes sense.
If you know me, I am someone who likes to stay in my comfort zone. I am an introvert with little desire to stretch myself beyond what I know. This trip was a new opportunity; Something different than my everyday life. Everything seemed to be pushing against me. Even my initial interview did not go smoothly and had me questioning if I was ready or meant for this. So many different things had to fall into place and they did. I had to step into new territory and trust that if this is what God was calling me to do, He would make it happen. This was my first step out of comfort and into calling. People thought I was crazy for going somewhere for so long without a real answer to why. I just knew and felt that God was saying “GO” (or I was losing my mind like most everyone thought).
Training camp was the first time meeting my team. It was a bit overwhelming at first but we bonded quickly. Our team was definitely handpicked by God. There were twelve of us at the start, just like the disciples. We all brought different strengths and weaknesses to the table. It would have been easy to let jealousy or envy arise with being an all girls’ team. We surpassed negative feelings and became a power team without any disputes over the month. Instead of allowing those feelings in, we placed ourselves aside and carried others higher. I learned how to live with a group and to constantly be with them. The comfort of my bed, my home and my alone time was gone.
I was thrown into termite infested bunk beds with 12 other girls in restricted quarters. Alone time became a distant memory, and I had to step into acceptance. Comfort? What? Where? Gone. This was my life now. Lizards by my pillow. Bugs everywhere. Dirty clothes. Nonstop sweat. Beans and rice. Manual labor. The unknown. Questions. Doubts. Will I ever smell good or feel clean again? Do I have the strength to keep digging out these annoying tree trunks? Why am I here? So many thoughts and questions crossed my mind. Even thoughts about going home and quitting presented themselves. But, I didn’t give up. I accepted it. I conquered the unknown and the discomfort. I stepped into a new confidence with each swing of the hammer and shovel of dirt. God became the powerhouse in me, keeping me from giving up and providing me with supernatural strength.
The fear of heights has always had a hold on me. The fear was so severe that stepping up on a ladder would frighten me, preventing me from doing it. While we were painting we had to get on ladders to reach the tops of the walls. I stepped right on up and started painting away. I was willing to do it and didn’t think twice about the height. One day in town while we were evangelizing, one of the guys we were with wanted to go find coconuts. I thought it would be neat to get coconuts and give them to people to start conversation. He lifted me to get a coconut and fire ants covered his foot. Unsurprisingly, I fell. Did that stop us? No. I got back up two more times, and we got coconuts but ran out of time to give them to people. I still do not like heights but they will not hold me back anymore.
At training camp I specifically remember telling my team that I hate public speaking. I even remember thinking, “Just because I said that, I will end up having to speak publicly.” That is exactly what happened. One night during team time, one of the leaders shared that we would be attending a women’s bible study and that people had to share testimonies. Right when she said that I thought, “I’ll do it! Wait. What? No. No, I will most definitely not. That’s not me. I don’t do stuff like that.” Sure enough, my leader then said, “I think Cydney should share.” The Holy Spirit was telling me to do it, and I was being stubborn. The bible study was canceled and I was relieved. I thought I got out of it. Then my leaders told me we would share at church. Being the procrastinator I am, I did not prepare. Partly because I was dreading speaking and partly from the newfound trust that the Spirit would guide me. We were sitting in church worshiping and I thought, “Okay great, I will not have to share my testimony. They must have forgotten about them.” Not a minute later they called for testimonies. God sure does have a sense of humor. I asked the Holy Spirit to give me the right words and he guided me. I conquered my fear of public speaking and even impacted some people while doing it.
God stretched me in ways I never thought. He pulled me out of my comfortable safety bubble and into unknown territory. I believe that God worked in me and my team more than through us to reach others. We may not have gotten to work with kids or minister directly to people much but I know God will use the seeds we planted and grow them into his will. He will use our hard work to further his work. It was God in me that allowed me to respond to the environment the way I did. Everything I did, I did for him and he moved through me. I do not have one big way this trip impacted me, but I am walking in new confidence and strength. When God says, “GO” I will go.
Feel free to reach out! I would love to talk with you and share stories!
New photos are uploaded!
