Over the past few months I have realized that I have let fear into my life. When I first heard the call to go on the Race I read the story of Gideon because I feel that I relate to him a lot. I tend to overthink things a lot and question if I am truly hearing God.
Judges 6: 11-18 (NIV)
11 The angel of the Lord came and sat down under the oak in Ophrah that belonged to Joash the Abiezrite, where his son Gideon was threshing wheat in a winepress to keep it from the Midianites. 12 When the angel of the Lord appeared to Gideon, he said, “The Lord is with you, mighty warrior.”
13 “Pardon me, my lord,” Gideon replied, “but if the Lord is with us, why has all this happened to us? Where are all his wonders that our ancestors told us about when they said, ‘Did not the Lord bring us up out of Egypt?’ But now the Lord has abandoned us and given us into the hand of Midian.”
14 The Lord turned to him and said, “Go in the strength you have and save Israel out of Midian’s hand. Am I not sending you?”
15 “Pardon me, my lord,” Gideon replied, “but how can I save Israel? My clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my family.”
16 The Lord answered, “I will be with you, and you will strike down all the Midianites, leaving none alive.”
17 Gideon replied, “If now I have found favor in your eyes, give me a sign that it is really you talking to me. 18 Please do not go away until I come back and bring my offering and set it before you.”
And the Lord said, “I will wait until you return.”
Before I applied, I had questioned God with all of my weaknesses like Gideon did.
“Me? This small 5’0, insecure, broke, minority girl?”
I had questioned God because I was looking around at my limited resources, broken family, and a small amount of people who I thought would actually support me.
Last night my pastor was preaching on when Gideon chose to follow through with God and defeat the Midianites (Judges 7). Pastor Adam brought out one of our members, Zack, who is paralyzed. Zack cannot walk or speak on his own and he needs help with multiple of the daily tasks that many of us take for granted. Even though Zack is paralyzed, he is still using his gift to create art and preach through the device that he uses. Our pastor began to question why have other able-bodied members have not stepped out of our fear and stepped into what God has called us to do.
I realized that as a took the first step of faith to join the World Race, I still have let fear consume my thoughts in this fundraising process. I began to questions things like….
“If I had this job…”
“If my parents were still together…”
“If I had been better with my savings…”
“If I knew more people from church…”
“If I didn’t live here…”
and mainly “What if I fail?”
After hearing Zack’s message I realized that all of the things that I view as weaknesses will help to bring God the glory in the end. If I had all the resources, money, and support easily handed to me how will God’s glory be shown through that? His glory will be shown that, in spite of everything that has happened, He still provided a way. As an able-bodied person, who doesn’t have think about half of what Zack has to think about everyday, what is my excuse to be paralyzed in fear? I shouldn’t worry what people are going to think or say, I have to continue following in the path that God has set out for me.
