Alone time is something that doesn’t exist on the world race. You are constantly surrounded by people. You live with six other people whom you spend time with seven days a week and are around twenty four hours a day. If you are not around them all the time you are at your ministry site surrounded by people.
Before leaving on the race alone time was something that I craved. My mind ran off it like my body lives off water. I am the type person where at home I can sit in my house, in complete silence, be alone and be perfectly happy. Some people re-energize by socializing. I re-energize by alone time or one on one time with others. Crowds tend to drain me.
My one off day a week is spent with the rest of our team. The only time I feel like I get alone time is when I am asleep. Which technically I am not alone even during sleeping hours. Our first month I shared a room with eight other people. The second month I slept on a roof top with 15 others. The third month I got my shut-eye in a storage area with the rest of our team. This month we have a three bedroom apartment where I share a room with my teammate Melissa.
I am surprised I have made it four months without my hankering of alone time taking me over. I have had certain strategies along the way to make me feel like I am getting alone time though. Month one I would disappear to the swing set with baby Tomas while he slept. I would lay in the grass and watch the clouds and soak up the quiet time. Month two I would place my rain fly on my tent, zip up all the windows, put in my ear buds, and pretend I was in Ireland on the cliffs camping all by myself. In Mapiri alone time was putting my ear buds in and closing my eyes.
The past few days I have found myself getting slightly anxious for alone time. Alone time is a way for me to re-charge and process things in life. Being that I am a person whom tends to live in my own mind, I need time to think things out without being surrounded by others.
A couple nights ago I decided I would get up early in the morning and be intentional about getting some alone time. I woke up early in the morning, grabbed my bible and journal and headed to the roof top. I love dates with Jesus early in the morning. The mornings are such a precious time to me. Everything is quiet and peaceful, and the world is painted in a soft light. In the mornings I feel like it is just me and God sitting together watching the world wake up.
Back in the states I had numerous mornings where I would wake up before the sun and drive to one of my favorite spots. It was about a forty minute drive, and maybe a 15 minute hike to the area. This was my favorite time to be alone. Although, sometimes I would take my dog, Otto, with me.
Cold mornings were always the best. I would sit atop the giant rock that overlooked a valley and marvel at all of Gods creation. The cold morning air would fill my lungs and I would sit so still and close my eyes and sense the charge of the crisp breeze. I love closing my eyes when there is a powerful gust of wind because I always feel like it is The Lord surrounding me.
Some nights I would yearn for alone time so strongly that I would jump in my kayak, paddle into the main channel, and lay back and gaze at the stars for what felt like hours. I would sit there and listen to all the bugs, and all the fish jumping, and know that Gods love for us is more infinite than all the stars.
All of my team knows that I connect best with God through alone time in nature. However, one of the rules on the World Race is that you can not go anywhere alone. It has something to do with safety measures. Crazy, right (just joking). My mom is probably thankful for that rule because she knows I will not hesitate to venture out on my own.
Being on the rooftop all alone yesterday morning was much needed. I sat down and leaned my back against the cool concrete wall. I stayed there and soaked up the thought that I was finally alone. I watched the clothes on the drying line flapping in the wind. I watched as the sun slowly lit up the building facades until they all had a faint glow. I sat there in silence and took it all in. I prayed and I read. I listened to music, and I listened to a sermon by Judah Smith (my favorite). I finally felt like it was back to a morning where it was God and I. I loved every second of it.
After an hour I walked back down the stairs and still felt like I needed more time alone. It wasn’t long after that I realized it was merely a selfish desire of mine. The Lord is quick to remind me to be content in all situations. I was thinking in my head that I needed even more alone time and then I would be happy. As soon as that thought crept into my mind the Lord prompted me that some people feel alone in a crowded room and detest it. He reminded me that my inclination for alone time is a selfish desire of mine.
He reminded that I need to adapt to being content without alone time because this mission trip isn’t about my desires and my wants. I was reminded that the very thing I craved was an issue that others struggle with. I wanted to be alone, and a large majority of people in the world often feel alone and pray not to feel that way.
This morning I grabbed one of the books I am reading and it starts off by saying “You are called to belong, not just believe.” God said “it is not good for man to be alone.” In the new testament the phrase “one another” or “each other” is used over fifty times. The Lord reminded me with that statement that my relationship with him was never intended to be private but that is what my selfish desires had made it.
There is a verse in Philippians that says “for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content…” Many times in life I have been in situations where the Lord has kept me content even under bad circumstances. My new lesson the Lord is teaching me is learning to be content without MY desire for alone time.
I have a feeling it is a lesson I need to learn anyways considering my living conditions for the next seven month. Cheers to adapting, and cheers to being content in all situations…good bye alone time:)
