Ever since I was a child I have had some means of making money. I would clean the entire house, rake the yard, and do the laundry (and pocket any money I found). I was always looking under the couch and picking up change. If there was anything I wanted, I wanted to know that I could buy it. I would go to work with my dad and drags tree limbs or lay sod. Before I was a teenager I owned a portion of a backhoe. Seriously. My theory behind that investment was that if the money wasn’t at my immediate disposal then I couldn’t spend it.
There are great perks to being money savvy, but there are also great pitfalls. My pitfall is feeling like I should have a certain amount of money in the bank at all times. If it gets below my “safe” amount I panic a little. That number is my bank account has become an unhealthy security to me. The money in my bank account has become an idol and I have become dependent on it.
Monday was my last day at my job that I have held for years. I quit to make sure I have everything taken care of before heading overseas in January. The past several months every time I have thought about being unemployed I become a little anxious about what I am suppose to do for income. My brain would go crazy thinking of ways to make money. Every time I started thinking about it the greater voice in my head would say “don’t worry about it.” I couldn’t let go of my grip of making an income. My income is a direct link to my independence. I know I will be okay without income for a year, but I feel like I am giving up every bit of my independence.
God has been preparing me for this journey long before it’s start date. A huge chunk of it is Him teaching me to give up my independence and my mentality of “I don’t need any one but me.” He is teaching me to give up that independence and to give up linking it with a monetary value as well. He has shown me that money is my idol and my independence is my vice.
I am learning to depend on Him. I am learning that He will provide what I need. I may be unemployed but He will take care of me. He is teaching me that real wealth is a wealthy soul filled with Him…not my money in the bank.
I left my corner office Monday and I have been unemployed for two days now. Each day is a struggle for me to give up my independence. Each day I have to remind myself that the money in my bank account is not what my satisfaction should come from. My only dependence and satisfaction should come from Him.
AND, with all this being said (and me giving up my independence), I still need donations greatly! I have a financial deadline approaching in 16 days and I am still behind on reaching it. Please please please consider donating. All you have to do is click the “Support me” tab. Keep in mind that checks take 2 weeks to process, so check must be mailed by the 5th of this month for me to teach this months deadline. Thank YOU!
Love you all!
