There is something missing in all of this. There is something more. Aren’t you thirsty? Listen to your heart. There is something missing. You long to be in a love affair, an adventure. You were made for something more, you know it.
That is how my heart feels, constantly. I am not content living my life according to societies standards especially when I know there is more to life. That longing is the thing that keeps my mind racing. I don’t want a life that revolves around a nine to five job. I don’t want to spend my life building some one else’s dream.
I use to fit the picture of the model American. I had the job, a house, cars, an education. My external life was great, but I buried myself in all the crap and forgot who I was. I had it all together. I was smart, well liked, independent, and always on the go.
Never in my life have I given up on myself, but I am now. I am quitting while I am ahead. I am giving up the self reliant, fiercely independent side of me. I am giving up the part of me who views dependency as weakness. I am giving up my heart that I always manage to keep tucked away and buried behind walls. I am giving up my selfish tendencies. I am giving up the ugly parts of me.
I am giving up all the crap that society says I need. I am going to give up all the stuff that I find my identity in. My identity and my pride were wrapped up in being independent. However, I am the foolish one to think that I did not need anyone else in my life.
I am learning what it is like to be vulnerable. I am learning what it is like to hurt. I am learning what it is like to be weak. More importantly, I am learning what it is like so solely depend on the one who made me, the Lord.
The story of my heart is being re-written. My passion and my dreams are changing. My wounds are healing. God doesn’t care about my external life, he cares most about my heart. He doesn’t see my house, my car, my college education, He sees my heart.
In order to live for something more, I have to leave what is comfortable and what is familiar. I will count it all as lost to have intimacy, dependency, and adventures with God.
The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.
