This past month I’ve had some thoughts and I want to share them with you. Please bare with me as I try to explain them. I’m still not very good at expressing myself and putting into worlds what I’m thinking but I’m learning and practicing.
I remember talking to one of my friends many years ago. She was in her sixties. I was in my twenties and very insecure at that time. She told me that she used to be like me. Very quiet. Very shy. Very reserved. But when she turned 30 and throughout her 30s, she stopped caring so much what other people thought of her and she became more bold. She spoke her mind. I remember thinking, “I wonder what that’s like. Will I be like that? Or will I always be shy and reserved?” And guess what? It happened to me too.
Since I’ve been on the World Race, I’ve noticed that I’ve become more bold and confident. I don’t usually worry about what people think of me and I’m not driven by the desire to be like others or compare myself to others.
And it’s funny because one of my team mates asked me this past month that if after I turned 30, I noticed that I was more confident and more comfortable with myself and who I was. And I answered, Yes. Later, I remembered the conversation I had with my friend years ago and what she told me about after she turned 30.
One of my team mates was sharing that she was feeling very tired and without a purpose. She was comparing her gifts to other people’s gifts and felt like hers were not as cool or useful. As she was talking, I remembered how I used to do the same thing. People in my life used to try and make me more like them and wanted me to be more outgoing and just other things that weren’t me. I’m not a natural public speaker. I’m not a preacher or evangelist. I’m not a prophet. I’m not good at just walking up to people and talking to them about God and other things. I’m not a very good communicator when it comes to things like that. I’ve tried and tried and tried. I can do a lot of those things but it doesn’t usually look like the way other people do it. I’m different and for many years I thought that was a bad thing and that I didn’t fit in.
One day when we went door to door evangelizing, I was so happy to see how being different fit in so well to what the Lord was doing and how He was working through each of us differently to encourage a young lady. Alice invited us into her house. We did introductions and then our host started to share what we were doing there. She spoke a little bit and then asked if one of us wanted to share the gospel with her. One of my team mates did. She used the Scripture to share the gospel. Then our host spoke a little more and shared her testimony. Then another team mate shared a vision she saw from the Lord. During all of this, I kept hearing in my mind many different things that I needed to pray about for this lady. And at the end, I got to pray all of those things over her. It was so beautiful that we all did different things but when you put it all together it was just what Alice needed to hear. She has been in touch with our host and I believe God will use that relationship to bring Alice to salvation and a beautiful relationship with Jesus.
After experiencing that day and then my team mate saying that she was comparing her gift to another team mates gift, I felt the Holy Spirit wanted me to share about not trying to be like others. God created each of us differently for a reason. I told them that I felt like the World Race is not really setting us up well with this and that maybe we’ve been doing it wrong some months. When we go to a new host each month, it goes like this: “Ok, this is what we have to do. We are preaching 3 times a week, we have kids ministry 3 times a week, etc. so we will all take turns and everyone will get a chance to do everything.” Ok, that sounds good, maybe for the beginning of the Race, while we are still trying to figure out our gifts and talents, but once we get toward the end of the Race, like Month 10, that seems kind of silly to me. When we go home, we will not all be doing all the different aspects of ministry. We will be doing things we are good at and comfortable with because that’s what we were made to do. God put specific gifts and talents in us to use for His glory. I think the World Race is a great place to identify these and then start working on them to learn more about them and how to use them more effectively. It seems more efficient and effective and not as stressful on each of us if when we get to a host, asking, “Ok, this is what we have to do. Who’s gifted in what and how can we make the best use of our time here?” Then presenting that to the host. “We have people gifted in these areas and they are willing to help you.” People get burned out quickly when they are doing things they weren’t created to do and when they try to be who they weren’t meant to be. And people get very energized when they are doing things they were created to do and being who they were meant to be, no matter how hard it is or how long the work hours are. When you’re doing what you were created to do, you feel fulfilled and alive.
I believe it can work either way and I’m not complaining or saying my idea is better. This is just what I’ve been thinking. I know it’s important to be pushed out of your comfort zone. I’m sure that’s in the Bible somewhere. 😉 Or is it? I don’t know. That’s not the point. This is just how I think. Which leads to my next thought.
I had this random thought while I was sitting by the pool this past month on one of our rest days. “Why do I have to be creative like other people? Why isn’t it ok that I’m more of a numbers person and more logical and analytical?” Let me explain.
You may or may not know, but I’m not a very creative person. I don’t like drawing, painting, poetry, dancing, etc. I don’t have a huge imagination. I can’t come up with ideas right on the spot, like a really cool and fun team time. I don’t think “let’s go out and adventure in this city and see everything and touch everything.” When I hear from the Lord, I don’t usually get pictures or see visions. I don’t have many cool dreams. I’m sure you’re thinking, “Oh yes you do, Cristina” and “Yes, you are creative Cristina.” Or maybe you’re thinking, “It’s ok Cristina. You can become more creative. Just try to color something or just get some paint and paint something.” What that says to me is, “It’s not enough that you are logical, analytical, detail-oriented, like numbers, or that you think in words instead of pictures. You should be more like other people who are more creative because that’s better. It’s more freeing and colorful.” That says to me that being creative is something to attain, something more superior and that maybe I can be that too one day if I try really hard.
My question is this. Why? Why do we think like that? Why does everyone have to be creative? Why does everyone have to be the same? Why can’t some people be more creative and other people be more analytical and logical? Many times, people are both and that’s great.
Strangely enough, I’ve never heard an analytical and logical type person say to a creative person, “Oh it’s ok, you’re analytical too not just creative.” OR “Just keep trying, keep doing these math problems or just try a little algebra and you’ll become more detail and fact-oriented.” It sounds really silly and ridiculous, doesn’t it? But I’ve heard and seen many people push others to be more creative.
Now I know there is more to being creative or analytical than just painting and math, but these are just examples and things I’ve experienced. I talked to one of my team mates about this and she said that I am creative in other ways, like organizing and problem solving. She said that she thinks being creative has more to do with your imagination and not just drawing or painting or whatever and that I have to use my imagination when I organize and problem solve. And I thought that was such a good point. That made me think differently and that I can be creative in those ways but still be me and not try to be like other people. Then we talked about my journal and how I just write in it my thoughts or what’s been happening in either black or blue ink and I was telling her that’s just how I am. And then she suggests that I maybe add a title or something to make it more creative, and I just laughed because she kinda proved my point that there is something ingrained in us that says you should be creative and here’s how you can be more creative.
Well, for everyone who is worried about me and that I’m having some kind of crisis, I’m not. I’m doing very good. I’m very happy with who God made me to be and I’m not going to try to be like other people. I hope this encourages some of you.
