We’ve been in Cambodia and I keep thinking, “What am I doing in Cambodia?” And “How did I get here?” Guys, I’m in Asia. I would have never thought that I would find myself here this year. My plans for my life were so different, but God’s plan was for me to be in Cambodia at this wonderful age of 32. I’m so encouraged when I think that God took the 30 year old me, right after my divorce, and did such a work in me and healed me so much, that I am here in month 4 of the World Race. That just shows that if you are willing and available, God will take you where He needs you to be, where He had planned for you to be, and that you will be able to touch the lives of those specific people He sends you to. It is such an honor to be here and I’m so thankful to have met so many wonderful people. Our hosts, Thyvenn and Dom, have been the best. They are taking good care of us and we are so thankful.
We have spent this past week working with children from an orphanage that our host is in charge of. We have taught them English and did Bible lessons with them. I have learned that I really enjoy singing songs with the kids. I was able to share a devotional with the children one night about treating others like you want to me treated and how God wants us to love and pray for the people we don’t like. It’s easy to love people that love you, but not as easy to love people who hate you or don’t treat you nicely.
Some of my team mates spoke in the church here that our host is the pastor of and we also went to minister to the people in a village nearby where our host started a church. I got to share my testimony to some of the people in that village. There’s something that happens inside of me everytime I share my testimony. It’s so encouraging and faith building to look back on my life and see all that the Lord has done for me. I will never forget all that He has done in my life and all the times He has saved me and protected me. That’s what keeps me going when times get tough and when I’m tempted to go back to that person.
I want to share something that happened this past week. It’s very personal and you’ll get a look inside my heart. For those of you that don‘t know me very well, I’m a very happy, joyful and positive person. I have my moments when this is not true, but overall, that’s me. Since we have been in Cambodia, something has changed. I’ve felt different. First of all, I was exhausted when we first got here, but I recovered from that. I had just noticed a big change with the way our team spoke to each other. It was very negative, critical and sarcastic. It was starting to affect me. I got to the point to where I didn’t want to spend any time with them in a group. I was ok with being one on one but there was something about us being in a group that I just couldn’t stand anymore. I knew that it would be negative and I was done with that. That night, I got so upset and hurt that I got to the point of thinking, “I do not want to forgive this person, show love or be kind to her.” I was so mad and felt like I was already down and then got kicked in the stomach 2 times. I also felt very oppressed. I had not felt like that in such a long time. I texted my aunt and told her to pray for me. I told her how I was feeling. She replied and reminded me that we are not fighting flesh and blood. We are not fighting each other and the girls on my team are not the enemy. The devil is the enemy. That’s all I needed to hear. I changed how I was praying. The Lord reminded me of the person I was before He healed and freed me. I decided right then, that I was not going back to a person who doesn’t like to forgive or a person who holds grudges. I will not go back to judging people just to make me feel better about myself. I am a new creation and all the old things have passed away. I have been made new and I am never going back. I am never going back!
As I was praying about this and asking God what to do, I realized that I was contributing to the negativity, critical talk and sarcasm. My responses to what was being said was not helping in any way. The Lord showed me this and I immediately repented because I realized my sin. I didn’t want to respond the ways I did and I had many examples of my sarcastic remarks that I was ashamed of. I felt the Lord telling me that I need to talk to my team and apologize to them for all of my negative and sarcastic remarks and just share with them that I had been struggling. I asked them to also talk to the Lord about this and see if He has anything to tell them about this situation.
It was such a beautiful time together and I was able to say all that I needed to say. We all prayed together and it was amazing! I am so thankful for my team.
