“It might start out as nothing but the urge to escape” -Seth Barnes
Sound familiar?
Since I was a little girl, I’ve always had a stirring in my spirit. It began in K-3rd grade.. Me and my best friend at the time, Amanda, used to obsess over going to Japan. We were determined that we were going to Japan so we researched fashion, we made plans, we watched all the anime that was from there, and talked about it obsessively. Thinking back, it’s my first memory of a desire to leave town and I was what? 6-8 years old.
Next memory, growing up all through middle school I knew that I wanted to get out of Glasgow as soon as I could but I still had so much time left to go. The Hagan Family always invited me to summer vacation with them and we’d go to Destin, Florida every year. That would soothe my spirit over for a little while (thank you Hagan’s for loving me so well) but it still wasn’t enough.
Forward to high school, I switched high schools my sophomore year (still in same town just moved to the county) and my friend group was all basically there. We were so set to get outta dodge as soon as we could and specific conversations come to mind between a friend, Shani, and I. We would ALWAYS say to our other friends that we have to get out to find our souls because we knew that they weren’t in Glasgow, Kentucky. (This was pre-Jesus)
Finally graduate high school and get to college, a whole whopping 25 miles away from my hometown. But hey, it was a shift. I convinced myself to go to this school because it’s where all my friends were. I honestly hadn’t been happy with that decision since I made it but hey.. I did. We’d go to PCB every spring break and one time me and Shani packed up and got in a car and just drove until we decided on a place to stop… Ended up in Athens, Georgia. I fell in love. Not with the destination but the journey. I fell in love with the thrill and promised I would do more of that.
Instead, I became idle and allowed all my doubts to withdraw me from that promise.. what about rent? What about responsibilities? What about your job? You already are kind of lacking in school? There’s nothing you can do until you graduate. When you get a real job and good money you can and will do all of these things? Just be patient? You’re young, its okay
Between weekend trips and fast getaways I allowed myself to be okay with just that, For a while…. knowing that there had to be more. I have felt that there’s been more my whole life. So I tried to fill the void with worldly things.. you name it.. I was going out with friends all the time, I didn’t like being sober, I was looking for things and people to just pass the time, I hated being alone, and I just couldn’t figure out what my soul was craving. I didn’t know how to “fix me” so I had honestly given up.
Well, through a down-spiral of events.. I ended up in a desperate place calling out to God! IF YOU’RE REAL THERE HAS TO BE MORE THAN THIS LORD. WHY AM I SO MISERABLE? HELP ME.
Fast forward, I messaged my dad these words “Can I come home? I’m so tired of living like this?”
He said yes. Welcomed me home with open arms. Just like the prodigal son in the Bible. Yeah, like that.
(I’ll share my testimony with y’all one day)
Through that, I was turning over a new leaf. I was sober, I had a great job selling cars, and I was volunteering at a homeless outreach center and I was going to church avidly. I felt like I had found my little place in this world. But shortly after 6 months, I had began slippin. Slipping back into old habits, and I was miserable again. I just wanted more and yes in a selfish way. I knew that there was more for me than that life. I knew that I needed help and I just didn’t know how. The word Missions kept ringing in my head. So I had a single conversation with my dad about it “I just feel called to more. Maybe missions or something?”
Dad: “Well honey it’s time to grab the bull by the horns and just do it”
So I did. That night I did some research and came across this crazy 11 month mission trip.. I sent in my application thinking why not. At least when they say no it won’t be because I didn’t try.
The application process was kinda brutal and by kinda I mean WOW IT WAS HARD. I had to lay out everything I’d ever done on the table pretty much. The questions were extensive and I thought they’d run after going through that or laugh at me for ever thinking I’d be able to be a part of it.
Well they didn’t, lol. They extended an invitation in spite of who I’d been and what I’d done. That blew me away.
Then I laughed when I found out I needed $5,000 in like 9 days. HA!
There’s the catch.
I prayed God if this is for me then it’ll just work out
Then it did. Money came from all kinda people and places (shoutout to Tony, Rodney, Buster, and Dee I love y’all and am forever grateful for your love and partnership in this and for everyone else who has donated. You will never understand how much this means to me)
I got to training camp and heard Welcome Home from the Lord. I met my new family.. the people I’d be doing life with for the next 11 months and shared my story and they didn’t run. Instead they loved me where I was at and called me to greater.
Fast forward a few months, I’m sitting on my bed in this beautiful town called Cusco, Peru and for the first time in my life I feel like I’m where I am supposed to be.
It’s such a jaw-dropping feeling yall.
What does this mean for me though? You may be wondering…
“I’d like to suggest that the greatest risk we face these days is that of an unlived life… God has a lifetime of adventures waiting for you, but they won’t happen by accident. You have to make the decision to go.” -Seth Barnes
If you’ve felt a stirring that you can’t quite explain.. if a vacation once a year isn’t enough for you. If you live for far more than paying bills and dying then this is your wake-up call.
The Lord is calling you to greater. You don’t have to understand it, you don’t have to know, you don’t have to have money, just GET UP. ITS NOT TOO LATE!You’re not too broken. You haven’t done too much wrong to be forgiven. You’re not too old or young. You’re not too broke, you’re not too tied up. Quit the miserable job that makes you angry just driving to it. Quit the friend group who has never once supported you in anything, quit everything but Jesus and He will turn it all around. You’re worth it, you’re worth the fight. You’re worth every bit of greatness that’s in store for you. You’re worth the love that the Lord is trying to pour down on you, my dear friend.
If your heart is pounding that’s God knocking on your door. Just open it.
GET the book Kingdom Journeys: Rediscovering the Lost Spiritual Discipline by Seth. It’s awesome. Do it.
If you have any questions, you can email me at [email protected] I’d love to answer or at least encourage you. I love you, keep fighting!
