The other day (when I say that it means at least two weeks ago) I had team time with my co-leaders and we were sharing things from the month past and our testimonies and one of our guys, Zach, was sharing and afterward we had a listening prayer for him and Michelle challenged Zach to spend time with Jesus without an agenda.
It hit me hard.
For many reasons but a main one is that I hadn’t come to Him without any requests or questions in a loooooong time. So I knew that was something that I needed to pick up too for myself. A few days past, then a week and I hadn’t really gotten around to it and we got to our new location which is in Sunyani, Ghana (I was here last year if you remember) and finally fought for the time to just sit down with Jesus. I was inspired also by Michelle and Sylvia to ask Him where He’d like to take me for us to talk and so I did just that.
I got this vision of Him and me walking down the middle of a busy street with Him Leading me, His hand in mine, and I felt kinda anxious but mostly peace about being with Him. It was like a symbol of me stepping into the uncomfortable or illogical in complete trust of Him calling me into that and knowing that He is with me in all that I do. Then we came up to a crosswalk and walked into a coffee shop.
Sweet peace and love
I got a different perspective and it was like I was viewing Jesus and me just chatting and laughing from across the room and I asked if I could hear what we were talking about.
Then it got serious.
He told me that my humor is a great gift and it’s something that invites people in and is very warming when used healthily BUT can be a form of bullying really when used maliciously. Whether direct or not. I had been using it against someone as a defense mechanism. I was choosing to not see where he was coming from and instead of trying to understand. When I disagreed with what he was saying I would result to many things that would/could potentially hurt him. I would make fun of his ways, I would have facial expressions that only showed annoyance, and/or I would shut down whenever he had something to say. (I’ve spoken with him and apologized for all of the above)These are things that simply aren’t Christ-like and aren’t tolerated in the kingdom. So if you’ve ever wondered what constructive feedback looks like then there you have it and it was straight from the Creator Himself so hard to object or ignore lolz.
So after swallowing that freakin horse pill we moved on to the next topic that He wanted to discuss and He brought up something I need to dive deeper in with Him to receive some healing from something that I’ve struggled in for a reaaaaaalllllllyyyyyyyyyyyyyy long lonnnnnggggg time. So we discussed what steps I need to take and who to talk to to invite them into that process so I’ve done that and I’ll just say that for now about it and will hopefully be able to write another blog about what that looked like for me. If you could just keep me in your prayers about that I would be super thankful!
All this to say that there’s truly something beautiful when we approach our Father just to spend time with Him. I’m learning more that He desires true intimate relationship with us and I’d never approach any of my friends with my problems constantly, never wanting to just spend time with them. That would be a miserable and draining friendship. Why should I treat God that way?
I just wanted to share what I’m walking through in my personal journey and invite my prayer warriors out there into it!
