You know that thing that happened in high-school that you never told anybody about? Or that moment when you were 4 that has haunted you for 20 years that you kept secret? Or that situation that unfolded in college that you can’t take back but would rather walk over hot coals than tell anybody about?
Fill in the blank for your particular-shame. But you know what I’m talking about.
The thing we don’t tell people because we are afraid. Afraid of being judged, afraid we aren’t worthy of love, afraid to receive the “mmm. You’re the worst”.
But what would happen in our hearts and communities if those secrets weren’t there? What would happen if we created a safe place in our groups to be real and vulnerable instead of guarded and tough? What would happen in our spiritual walk if we truly allowed God to heal those broken places?
At debrief last week we tested the “what if” and created a safe space to be real and honest with each other. Not just for the sake of sharing our deepest darkest secret, but to name the lies that the enemy has spoken over us (and we’ve believed). Naming the lie takes power from the lie.
Each of wrote something we’ve never told others on one postcard. I wrote down something I’ve carried for years and never told a soul. As I was writing it down, I thought “glad we just had to write them down and didn’t have to say them out loud to the group. That would have been terrifying”.
Fran (squad mentor) then handed another postcard to everybody and asked us to write down the things that God says over us, about the thing on the other card or just over us in general. I’m gonna be honest, after I wrote my first card I felt gross and was pretty confident the second postcard was going to be just as hard to write cause how could God possibly have anything good to say over me after THAT?
Ah prideful prideful heart of mine.
Fortunately, God is so much bigger than my past mistakes. God spoke love and truth over me and reminded me (yet again) that I am worthy and loved regardless of past choices and mistakes.
And then some of the scariest words I’ve ever heard came out of Fran’s mouth.
She wanted to open up the floor and allow everyone to first read their “shame” card and then read their “truth” card…out loud…to the whole squad.
I started crying just thinking about it.
The thought of being THAT vulnerable with a group of people that I will have to see everyday for the next year broke my heart.
What if the relationships I’d built changed? Or worse…broke? What if everything was different because of the words written on that first card?
As one squad mate after another read their cards I realized something huge.
I felt differently towards each of them. I could never see them in the same light as I had before. They were different humans now than they had been before.
I loved them so much more than I had before.
They were breaking free
There were so many chains breaking on the rooftop of that hostel in Ecuador and I knew one thing.
I wanted to be a part of that breaking free party. Freedom looked so good. But I was scared. And then I heard God say “Now. My daughter the time is NOW.”
Faced with obedience or bondage…again…I shared my shame out loud in front of 30 people
And as I looked into the eyes of my squad mates, I saw love, pride, and encouragement. The judgement I was bracing for never came. The relationships I feared would be broken were strengthened. And I was able to be poured into and encouraged (and do the same for others) in a way that never would have happened without being honest and vulnerable.
My point here is that God has given us as believers an incredible freedom from past bondage and shame. Sometimes in order to step into the freedom and fully embrace the life Christ has given us we have to name our brokenness.
“It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.” Galatians 5:1
I’m no longer a slave to fear
I am a child of God
In Christ,
Court
