Dreams are finicky things. I believe God speaks through dreams a lot, but sometimes it’s difficult to say how seriously to take dreams.
The other night I had one of the most vivid dreams I’ve had in a good minute.
I had a dream that I was living in a hostel, one that look suspiciously like the one I stayed in this month. Anyway. In the dream I had a baby, she was tiny and she was sleeping in my arms. Something had happened and I was really upset. My human came up to me, gently took the sleeping baby from my arms, smiled at me, and said “don’t worry. I’ll handle it”. He walked confidently away, I assume to deal with the thing that had me all upset. I just know as he walked away dream me immediately relaxed. Out of nowhere this sketchy lady walked up to me and with a sneer in her voice said “see, THAT is exactly what guys like HIM do. They take the baby and they fix the things!” She said it like it was a bad thing and dream me started doubting his motivations and felt slighted as if he thought she wasn’t capable of doing all the things.
And then I woke up.
And I was like huh. Weird dream.
But I couldn’t get it out of my brain. No matter how hard I tried it was stuck. Like it was important. So, because I’m trying to be better about not trying to figure things out by myself without input, I started praying about it.
I assumed the answer would be “just a dream let it go”. That is not the answer I got at all.
The dream was a promise. A promise God has been reinforcing throughout the last 7 months. He has redeemed men in my eyes, Redeemed my past, And brought to life the long dead desire to have a husband and family.
Month 1 I realized I had no desire to be married. Partially because I didn’t think I was worthy of somebody actually loving me enough to spend the rest of their life with me. Partially because I didn’t think I’d ever find anybody worthy of me loving enough to spend the rest of my life with them.
Months 2 and 3 God began breaking down the convictions that I held so strongly that reinforced those lies. I slowly began to realize I had value and had good things to bring to a team, friendships, and future relationships.
Month 4 a teammate got a vision of me and my future human. And that broke me. Because I suddenly realized I not only believed it was possible, I realized I wanted it. I wanted to not just have a boy in my life to text and hang out, but I wanted a human to stand next to me for the rest of my life. Somebody to love, fight with, push me towards God, do missions with, parent with, and grow old with.
It wasn’t an impossibility anymore. It was a promise.
So what did the naysayer in the dream represent? The things I’ve said over myself, my fears, my past, and the things God is healing and has healed coming back to twist the sweet promises God has given.
Dreams are finicky. But dreams are also beautiful. He cares about all the little things we care about. And sometimes He gives us dreams to reassure us that He has a beautiful future for us. We just gotta be patient and go through the process of getting there.
