First let me tell you how blogging works on the World Race, for me at least. I half-way write about five blogs either in my mind or in my notes app. Then a big event happens, like PVT for example, and I want my next blog I post to be about that but first I need to have a morning dedicated to God. And boom. He decides to give me a different thing to write about.
So here it is:
There I was, sitting in the common space of our hostel we are in before we head to our different ministry now that PVT is over and I began to get impatient with God. I will share more about what it is that I was praying about in this moment soon!
I was about to begin reading 1 Corinthians but decided to take the moment of silence, people had just left from the room, to ask God what He wants me to do as I await information and responses about what is next for me. I asked God if He wanted me to send an email about what’s been going on in my mind and what God had been revealing to me through my parents and others.
He said “no.”
So then I just sat there and said, “okay what do you want me to do? After about a tenth of a second I was done waiting and said, “do you want me to fast? I haven’t eaten yet today.”
His response was quick and convicting:
“I am not a vending machine.”
I knew the conversation was over so I began to just ponder why I felt the need for this confirmation about the future so quickly. I realized I am so confident in God and His timing but I am not confident in myself.
I asked for forgiveness for my impatience and prayed for peace and patience as this time of limbo continues.
Then I started reading, I didn’t even make it to verse 10 before God dropped some truth on me.
“4 I give thanks to my God always for you because of the grace of God that was given you in Christ Jesus, 5 that in every way you were enriched in him in all speech and all knowledge— 6 even as the testimony about Christ was confirmed among you— 7 so that you are not lacking in any gift, as you wait for the revealing of our Lord Jesus Christ, 8 who will sustain you to the end, guiltless in the day of our Lord Jesus Christ. 9 God is faithful, by whom you were called into the fellowship of his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord.”
1 Corinthians 1: 4-9
I read “God is faithful” and the truth popped into my head.
“Doubting yourself is the same as doubting Me.”
I was content deciding I was confident in God and His timing but that I just wasn’t confident in myself.
I am God’s.
I believe He can do ALL THINGS.
Yet there I was this morning doubting me, a vessel of the Holy Spirit.
I want His thoughts to be my thoughts, that means truly believing these things that are in my head are of Him.
He showed me last month that He does reveal the things that are not of Him to me. He showed me the lies I was believing about myself. I did not understand why that was needed last month but now it makes sense. It was a time where my trust in hearing God’s voice and deciphering His thoughts with my own and the enemies grew so much! As soon as I spoke out that what I was hearing was lies I was set free from a negative mindset.
P.S. I just realized this as I was writing this blog, external processing for the win!
I want to end this blog with restating the truth God told me about me that is also true about all who follow Him.
Doubting yourself is the same as doubting God.
Don’t doubt the work God can do through you and for you.
He is a loving father who won’t lead you astray.
If He is calling you to something don’t question if you will be able to do it because He will MAKE you able to do it.
