I am a missionary.
Being a missionary has been on my heart for many years. God told me I would be one, it was one of the few things I was completely 100% set on, and it was something that excited me.
I am now a missionary.
The thing I have always dreamed of is now, and has been my reality for the past 7 months… and it’s different than what I expected.
You see, short term missions work and long term missions work is completely and utterly different in every way. It’s completely a different animal. Short term missions work is jam packed and super intentional with every moment. Long term missions work is still jam packed and intentional… but it also becomes your normalcy and therefore it becomes routine. You LIVE in these places while doing long term and these places become your home and your normalcy.
It’s hard to do long term missions… especially backpacking to different countries doing long term missions. You get settled, fall in love with a culture and ministry, make it your home, then you leave. Then you do it again and again and again and again.
Being a missionary takes everything in you and even more than that. It takes your sweat. It takes your time. It takes your mind. It takes your soul. And it takes your life. You literally can’t be a long term missionary and only have half your heart in it. You need to be spiritually ready to be moved and pushed and pulled and you need to be strong.
There have been days when I have been completely strong and full of confidence and love and other days where I literally couldn’t go to ministry because I was so over everything and needed to be alone. It’s not what it seems and there are days when it isn’t what you want anymore.
But what makes it cool is when God meets you where you are at and lifts you up and keeps carrying you.
There have been moments when I have flat out said no to God and he kept pushing me anyway and amazing things have happened. There also have been moments when I have said no and he called someone else instead.
Gods will will always get done wether it’s by you or by someone else.
I have realized that this is where God called me, I said yes, and he is working through me. Easily he would still work if i decided to say no to his calling on my life and pursued my own path… but because I said yes he is working through me and giving me that blessing to serve his mighty name.
I love missions and even though it’s hard and these 7 months have been the hardest of my life… I am glad I said yes. I said yes to Jesus and he has shown me so much of his love through that choice.
I have experienced community. I have seen the world. I have matured. I have preached. I have healed. I have cast away demons. I have seen God work. AND GOD HAS DONE ALL OF THIS. Nothing is possible without Jesus.
I said yes to a journey that is not traveled often. I said yes to a journey that is hard. I said yes to a journey that is glamorous on the outside and heart wrenching on the inside. I said yes to a journey that I had been praying about and dreaming about before embarking on.
I said yes to Jesus and that’s what makes this all worth it.
I am a missionary and jay has always been my dream.
I am following God’s plan and it is hard.
I am blown away by Gods love through it all.
Thank you Jesus for being faithful when it hurts. For bringing people in my life that push me to be better. For surrounding me with opportunities to grow. For showing me the world you created. For calling me to such a hard life to live. For trusting me with your broken people all over the world. For equipping my heart when I don’t feel adequate. For never leaving me and continuing to surprise me.
