I used to think spiritual warfare wasn’t real, or at least not as serious as it actually is. On the race, I have learned that satan is not happy when we are chasing after God, and he will try to put everything he can before us, to try to throw us off course. Sometimes it is easier to just give up, throw in the towel, and not fight through it, yet that is exactly what the enemy wants us to do. I have been there, been ready to just give up the fight just because I was tired of fighting.
This month started off rough.
I felt super spiritually attacked, and was working through a lot of spiritual warfare. I was listening to lies that satan was speaking into my life. I was feeling lonely, anxious, overwhelmed, and tired. I felt like I was drowning in anxiety, and I couldn’t get out. Satan was putting a huge spotlight on little things to make me doubt not only my worth, but also my friendships, and my relationship with God. He tried to make me dwell on hurts, comments, and my feelings. To be completely honest, I sat in the victim circle for a little bit by allowing my circumstances to dictate my attitude and perspective, and not choosing freedom or truth.
It didn’t occur to me just how much I was letting all this anxiety affect me until it was really bad. I was bottling up all my emotions, and dwelling on things that I couldn’t change. I gave too much thought into what other people said, and didn’t let anyone in.
Not a healthy place to be, I know.
This month we had what was called an Awakening. It’s essentially a three-day conference where racers that are all in the same area of the world gather for a time of worship, teaching, and pouring into each other. One night in worship, I was feeling anxious and felt like I couldn’t focus or get into it because I was too distracted by my feelings and the things happening around me.
Yet as I stood there in the middle of a crowd of 100+ racers pouring out their heart to the Creator, I felt like the Lord was asking me to worship through it. To not give up, but to fight. I was tired. I told the Lord I couldn’t do it. I was tired of fighting back satan, and fighting through these feelings. I was ready to give up, and throw in the towel. I felt the Lord tell me that I did not have to do it on my own. I was so exhausted trying to do it on my own, and had not given it over to Him.
So I chose to get out of the victim circle. I listened to the Lord and worshiped even though I didn’t feel anything. I prayed and asked Him to take over this battle I had been trying to fight on my own. I laid it all at his feet. In that moment, I was overwhelmed with so much peace. I had a jolt of energy. I felt like I had a weight lifted off my shoulders.
In this moment, I was reminded of how faithful the Lord is. How much He doesn’t want us to live in a place of anxiety, or fighting the enemy on our own. I was shown again just how much the Creator of the universe sees me just where I am, and how much He loves me.
When we come to the end of ourselves, that is when the Lord comes in. When we give over control to the one that has already won, instead of being stubborn and trying to do it all on our own, He comes through. He takes it all, and fights for us, and wins the battle.
You have to decide what you really want, and if Jesus is worth it to you. It’s important to understand we can rest knowing that satan has already lost. He may have bruised the heel, but it was only because Jesus crushed his head so hard. The war is over, remember that even when it seems like satan is winning, he hasn’t. God has already won.
Wherever you find yourself today, remember that Jesus is SO worth it. Don’t give up, don’t give in. Keep fighting, but know you do not have to fight on your own. Lay all your battles at Jesus’ feet and step back to watch Him show off. Watch Him win over and over again.
This song has been super powerful for me lately. It reminded me to fight my battles at the feet of Jesus, and when I feel surrounded by my circumstances and the things going on around me, that I am surrounded by Jesus. Check it out 🙂
