“Get up and walk in the freedom and joy I am giving you.”
That’s what I heard at debrief before we headed to Colombia. My season of brokenness was over! I felt like the weight of the world was off of my shoulders and my heart was smiling.
We arrive in Colombia where we live on top of a mountain over looking the city of Bogota with two other teams. The first night we had meeting and that’s where I met them.
Lucy, our ministry contact told us that their mom has died of cancer a two year ago and she asked that Lucy promise her to take care of them. Diana and Oscar are 12 and 15 years old. They sat there as their mom was talked about with tears streaming down their faces. My heart was breaking and I was begging God to heal their hearts and take away the pain.
The week went on and Oscar became my sweet little best friend. We played soccer together on a roof with Angie. Angie was another 15 year old girl who has so much sass. My team had been rebuilding a roof on her home that week. You could find us punching and picking on each other like brothers and sisters do. Oscars smile lighted up the room when he walked in and the joy of the Lord was beaming from his heart!! Angie, was yes to seem tough on the outside but had he softest gentle spirit. She had a laugh that made my heart beam with joy! They have Jesus living inside of them and it was obvious.
After the first week, I was falling in love with the kids here. I could feel myself running as fast as I could. Just in the opposite direction from the thought of loving the way God was asking me because I knew the outcome. I was leaving in three weeks. Goodbyes would be said. Hearts would be broken. Tears would fall. I would be lying if I said otherwise. I was so tired of feeling the hurt and pain of goodbyes.
So I ran. I didn’t look back and I didn’t love anymore. I distanced myself and cried.
Every.single.day.
It’s now that time, we have less than a week left and it hit me HARD. I realized how selfish I was. How prideful I was. How disobedient I was to God and how I didn’t want to listen to anyone.
One of my teammates mom told her that, “sometimes it hurts when your heart grows.” Wow. Isn’t that true?
When we are growing to become more like Christ, it hurts. It’s not easy. It can even be ugly. But the truth of the matter is that, the outcome is beautiful if you are willing to let God change your heart.
I had to check my heart, I asked myself why did I come on the race?
To show Gods love..
Duh!
Well the truth is, I missed a lot of opportunities this month. I missed out on chances to love like God has called us to love. When I realized this, it hurt and I cried. I grieved it and decided this was the last time I will have a month where I run from love and when I am asked to love. The outcome of this month is that I’m willing to learn and grow. I am growing in ways to shape me more like Christ. I am changing and not staying the same.
Words my squad leader left me- You are not broken, you are just growing.” We are always growing if we are willing to change.
Don’t miss the opportunities God has laid out right in front of you, you’ll never get them back. Start right now!!
