Leaving Japan and coming to Malaysia was the LAST thing I wanted to do. I wanted to book a flight to America as soon as I could. We arrived in K.L. Malaysia and started debrief. I ran to the people who have become family because I knew they would show me love and give me grace while I was hurting, angry, and simply struggling.
Our coaches arrived and I had a one on one with both of them. I sat in their room and said I want to go home with tears streaming down my face. I realized when I said those words, something deep in my heart made me realize I had NO desire to go home. I was running away from Everything God was asking me to face.
Debrief was exhausting and hard. A day didn’t go by that I just wanted to give up. I wanted to run away from the pain instead of embracing it, so that I could allow God to work in me. We said our goodbyes and took a 6 hour bus ride to Changlun. I slept the entire way and didn’t talk to anyone..not even God. I felt like I had fallen to far and couldn’t get back up. As soon as we stepped off the bus, I had this instant peace flood my heart. I was caught off guard. I didn’t understand, because I couldn’t tell you the last time in the past week that I had talked with God.
Certain events started taking place and God was opening my eyes and working in my heart. We were greeted by a couple from Texas. I don’t think I can explain how much joy I had when they said, “I’m from Houston and I’m from Waco!!”
THAT IS SO CLOSE TO HOME!
We had dinner at what we call the “The White Tent,” and had the best sweet tea ever. We met with our contact later that night and his view of what The Lord has been showing Him was exactly what He had laid on my heart a few years ago in college. Every word that was said, God kept reviling those promises He had made to me. I haven’t felt this kind of joy in awhile. It was refreshing. I was so content exactly where God had me. I still didn’t understand what God was doing. I had been so hurt and angry. I wasn’t even opening my mouth to thank Him and yet He had other plans.
As I laid down to go to bed, God whispered to me and said, “I wanted to bless you today.”
Um excuse me, what? Why?
He said, “My daughter, I love you just trust me.”
Okay Abba, I will.
I decided that night that I was all in. I was pressing into the pain. I was going to love my team with 110%. I was going to pour into whoever God put in my path. I was going to learn more about myself and about God on a deeper level this month. I was going to allow the Holy Spirit to have a hold of my heart and work in me. I wasn’t holding anything back.
Romans 5:3-5 Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know hat suffering produces perseverance; And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.
Life on the race isn’t easy, just as life back home for anyone isn’t easy. I’ve experienced a new kind of happiness and joy since being here in Malaysia! So during this season of Advent, turn to our Creator and let Him fill your heart with a new joy this Christmas. Don’t run from Him anymore. Let Him embrace you with His love.
2 Corinthians 6:4-10 Rather, as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: in great endurance; in troubles, hardships and distresses; in beatings, imprisonments and riots; in hard work, sleepless nights and hunger; in purity, understanding, patience and kindness; in the Holy Spirit and in sincere love; in truthful speech and in the power of God; with weapons of righteousness in the right hand and in the left; through glory and dishonor, bad report and good report; genuine, yet regarded as impostors; known, yet regarded as unknown; dying, and yet we live on; beaten, and yet not killed; sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything.
I’m running the race. I’m persevering through the pain, hurt, anger, and seeking joy, happiness, and freedom in the one who gave His life for me. This is a new season full of life and discovering who I am in Christ.
To those of you who have supported my journey, I am more than blessed. To know that I have people around the world fighting for me in prayer, warms my heart. Every time I log onto my account and see that people have generously donated to me, I get this smile and joy that I know comes from the Lord. You are a big part of this journey just as much as I am. Please join me in prayer for the next 11 days. I know I have a faithful God who will provide.
I have 11 more days to raise $3,418.00 from reaching my deadline JANUARY 1st.
