How does one portray the change done in the heart? How does one express an experience that they can’t describe in words? About three years ago I had this problem. I experienced God’s healing in my soul. I had such a big change in me, but felt it was my duty to present that change to others. So I started to mark off the checklist of what a Christian looks like so others could see. I went to church three times a week. I read my Bible every morning. I didn’t cuss. I only listened to Christian music and I didn’t go to bars. From the outside I looked the part but on the inside I was at war against myself.
I wasn’t diggin’ my own game of self-righteousness and honestly either was Jesus. So I went back to the place that started it all. I went back across the world to find God again. Turns out He wasn’t there because I had lost Him. I had lost Him because I believed that His presence was defined to a geographic location on earth. This hit me hard.
So I started to fill my brain with questions. These questions in themselves not bad, but the self-righteous person in me used them for my selfish gain. They were questions about the specifics of my belief. I saw Theology as a means of telling how well someone followed Jesus instead of accepting that it’s all about His love. I was more concerned with the feeling of being right then listening. I was more concerned with being like Jesus in my own strength then letting Him be himself through his strength.
But you see this last week I went to Training Camp in Georgia. TC unlocked a part of God that I had never known. A part of God that was so loving, so gracious, so BIG. A part of God that heals, moves, and speaks. A God that speaks through people, prayer, and nature. A God that doesn’t only reveal Himself through a Bible or a pastor. A God that reaches out and tells you that you are His and you are wanted.
What I found at camp was freedom. Freedom from my legalism that God’s activity in my day is defined by if I read my Bible that morning. Freedom from the questions that keep my soul from overflowing with His goodness. Freedom from the difference in beliefs I have with other Christians. Freedom from comparison with my brothers and sisters I deem more spiritual. Freedom from myself, my past, my present and my future. Freedom that God doesn’t require me to be someone different than who I am. Freedom from the idea that I need to have it all figured out for Him to use me. Freedom that this journey across the world is not about what I can do, but what He can do.
I went to Training Camp for the physical training for this adventure and what I found was different. This week was about finding freedom in the Lord and only the Lord. Realizing that we are all broken even we think we aren’t as messed up as the person next to us. Realizing that Jesus doesn’t ask us to get rid of that, He simply asks us to give it to Him. He asks us to be free from whatever it is that is holding that shield up against His healing. He wants us to be free so we can free others. And y’all I found that.
I can’t wait to see what is store for the rest of this year.
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