Three years ago yesterday, I was able to go to the DMV and receive my license again as a 21 year old. It is embarrassing when you lose your license and have to get it back again. You do not have to take the test, but you have to do everything else for the first time again. It feels that everyone knows what you did. In my case I also had to bring a form that says I am paying every month for an extra charge on my insurance because I am a risk to the road. (OUCH) The whole thing is horrifying. I really wouldn’t recommend it to anyone. What did I do you ask? I got a DUI and they took my license away. You can’t drive. You can’t even drive someone else’s car. Others ask why your car sits there and of course you do not want to tell them. It’s embarrassing. Things you’ve done. Mistakes you’ve made, they are embarrassing. I can be the first to say that. But what I have learned from it has changed me. I have learned to be open.
As most of you know I say what’s on my mind. Good, bad, ugly, it just comes out. Some say it’s no filter and I am really trying to be kind over honest but sometimes it just slips. It’s my greatest enemy but can be my best friend. I haven’t always been this way with things like my own struggles. I used to keep my secrets in. I was afraid of judgment. To be honest I still am, but I know that hearts can be impacted by our words and that is the reason I try to be as open as possible. I’ve had some of the most real and raw conversations with people in the past three years, which I never had before because I was just scared. I now speak my heart.
For some reason God gave me a boldness to share. A voice for the secrets I hold in my heart. I want to encourage that in my fellow strugglers. I want us to not be ashamed of the past that we have, but to be encouraged that people struggle with us, even if it’s not the same way. We are not in this alone. We all screw up. But we also all can encourage each other if we just learn to be more open. To be able to let our hearts be seen with a vulnerability. Something is brewing inside my heart for a hopeful future in this. I am praying that God will show me what exactly that is in this next year but I would like to invite you guys to be vulnerable with me.
I promise to share my struggles on the Race. I promise to share my shortcomings and I promise to better myself through this journey through Him. God has a thing coming for me through this journey and He has given me a voice to not be ashamed of the things I’ve done but to use them for his glory. I pray that you would be encouraged to share your heart with someone. Let them know the ways you’ve been struggling and maybe you can help them in some way. You are loved and not alone.
