2014 seemed like such a far out future even 6 months ago. This year is going to be one to remember from graduating college (finally) to setting out on my next adventure the World Race. Often time I think I am crazy. Who really graduates college and then gets up and packs their life away to travel around the world and serve my Creator earning zero dollars the whole year? I am blessed that I even get to try and fundraise and save my money to be able to do such a thing. I am truly grateful for that, more than I can write into words.
But with every big decision comes times of doubt. Times that I am questioning should I really be doing this? I sent out my support letters. I have already received donations so why I am still doubting that I should do this? The answer to that question is full of difficult answers. For one, it would be much easier for me and even my family if I just gave this up and stayed in the U.S. for a year instead of traveling. I could get a “real” job, make more money than I do now and maybe even meet someone “special.” Or I could go back to Uganda and do what I love where I love with the people I love! But what I think my biggest problem is right now is that I do not want that. I don’t want to get tied down to a location, a job, or a person. My life is not my own and I am finally aware of that. I am a late bloomer, yes, but I am not done serving around the world even when I am 24. I am not done exploring new cultures and meeting new people. I am not done experiencing change on a whole new level daily and being completely uncomfortable with each new day. I don’t want to be comfortable yet and that’s one reason I am going.
I remind myself of all these things but then people ask me the hard questions. The questions that I don’t want to think about because they are the questions that make me doubt. The questions that ask me how I am going to deal with this constant moving and leaving the people I grow to love in a month time? The question that asks how effective I will be in just a months time? You know just those hard questions that you fear people will ask because you just don’t want to talk about it? I am thankful for those questions because they challenge me and make me think. Not only that but they make me believe more and more that God is sovereign in my life and that He has it all planned out and that I must not worry.
I am giving up a lot doing this. Giving up awesome opportunities in Uganda that I long to do. Opportunities that I know I love and trading them for opportunities that I might not enjoy. A country that I absolute adore in every way and trading it for countries that I might not adore. But then God sends a beautiful soul to remind me why this life is not my own and these opportunities are not because I managed to find them but that God allowed me. It’s in those times of doubt that I check my World Race account to find I have another $500 plus donation from someone and remember that this is where God wants me right now. I might question and I might worry. I might doubt and find excuses. I might be scared to death of the lessons and heartaches I will experience. But I must trust that this is what I am to do. I must trust that this is where I am supposed to be. I must trust that God is in control and will be there to lift up my weary soul like He has done before. That might make me crazy but I am okay with that.
