Two years ago, God flipped my world upside down with Jeremiah 1:5.
God says to Jeremiah and I read it like He was saying it to me, “BEFORE I FORMED YOU in the womb, I knew and approved of you…”
It shook me knowing that BEFORE He chose anything about me, He said, “Yup, that Courtney girl, I want her. Not for what she can do, will do, can’t do or won’t do. But because she is Courtney.” Simply that. He wanted me because of me, not for any other reason. All the things I thought I needed to do to earn His love didn’t matter. I wrote my first blog and it was appropriately named, “well… shoot, that changes things” because it did.
So if you need to hear that about yourself and sit on that for 2 years, go ahead, I did.
This time around, He showed me that He, being God, chose all the good things I would be and have. He chose for me to be fun, have green eyes, be funny, and have all the other things I think I am. (if you need a list of those things, don’t worry I have it saved somewhere) How fun?! He got to chose the wonderful parts of my entire life, joy, excitement, and adventure!
Then it dawned on me… dun dun dun.
By choosing all the good things that meant He also had to pick what I had to walk through, the not so fun parts of me, my struggles, challenges, and places where I have been hurt. BLEH. I kept thinking. What a crappy job. Geez God, I am so sorry you had to sift through my crap and know it before it happened, AND THEN live it with me as it happened. Yuck. It really began to break my heart.
But you know what He said?
“Nah Court, you have it all wrong. Yes I got to chose the good parts and bad parts, but the “good parts” as you call them, were not what you would think. Its those things you will claim as your own, and I am fine with that, they are gifts from ME. But the struggles, short comings, failures, questions, all the “bad parts” aren’t “bad parts” at all. Its in those parts where I get to be ME, I get to be God, its there where you need ME. IN YOUR WEAKNESS, I AM STRONG.”
DANG.
Okay, God. So You mean to tell me, my hurts, pain, failures, etc. are not only OLD NEWS to You but also the parts You want me to invite you into?
“Yes”
DANG. DANG.
2 Corinthians 12:9
But He said to me, My grace (favor, loving-kindness and mercy) is enough for you… for My strength and power are made perfect (fulfilled and completed) and SHOW THEMSELVES MOST EFFECTIVE IN YOUR WEAKNESS….
DANG. DANG. DANG.
Ok, Lord, please give me courage to invite you fully into my hurts, struggles, challenges, confusion and chaos. Its comforting knowing that its neither surprising nor shocking to you. Please be You in those places.
Amen.
