As you may or may not have read in my previous blog I talked about surrender, surrendering it all to God.
Its a sweet process if I do say so myself, but it requires full commitment and a lot of trust.
Of course I trust God, but was I really willing to trust him with it all, let me repeat that with it ALL??
I thought I was, and honestly I thought I was doing a fairly good job at, and maybe I was. Maybe I wasn’t…
Our team had the awesome opportunity to have a little get away at the beach.
We were told by our host family that the beach was 6 hours away, that we would stay with another church family, and do ministry on Sunday at their church. Team Aperture was pretty excited, we worked on our day off last week to be able to have the extra time off. We packed up and headed out on Friday morning, and about 6 hours into our drive we realized that this was no 6 hour trip. Instead we were in the back of a small pick up truck for 12+ hours. This extra time allowed me to think, a lot. To listen to podcast and music.
As I was sitting in the truck bed listening to my IPod on shuffle. John Legends song ‘All of Me’ came on, and of course his smooth voice pulls me in to where in seconds Im singing along. As Im listening to the words, its revealed to me that God is giving me all of Him, and thats all He wants from me in return. That He loves me with all that is within in Him, always, and no matter what. As the song progresses, more and more of Gods love is revealed to me (as if I didn’t already know) but of course God would even use a secular song in His favor. Now bare with me because I am well aware of what the actually song is referring to, but just take these few inserts to try and understand where I am coming from.
All of me, loves all of you,
all your perfect imperfections…
Give your all to me, and I give my all to you
Your my end and my beginning
Even when I lose Im winning…
Cause I give you all of me…
How many times do I have to tell you
even when you crying your beautiful too…
The world is beating you down, Im around through every mood…
God, he loves ALL of me..
Not just the ‘good’ christian girl Courtney doing the ‘right things’.
No, all of me.
All of my perfect imperfections.
If God is on my side, then even when Im losing Im winning,
even when Im in the middle of a storm he is working all of that together for good.
Romans 8:28
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those
who love him and are called according to his purpose.
Even when Im crying and lets face it a hot mess, God still thinks Im beautiful.
When the world is beating me down, He is there by my side, through every mood.
He is my one true constant, never gonna leave me, and always gonna love me.
I am not sure why this song spoke to me, but it did.
It resonated in my soul.
It questioned my process of trusting Him in my surrender.
Thailand has been a ‘lean on me’ kind of month.
God has been tugging at my heart from the beginning to lean on Him more then myself
and to lean on Him more then my teammates.
There were moments this month (so far) where I felt alone, and all I had was God.
Great part about that though, it forced me to dig into the word more and deeper.
It allowed me to have more time to talk to Him, and sometimes even argue with Him.
Most importantly though it allowed me to realized that God, IS actually ALL I need.
He’s already given me ALL of him.
In Him I can find all I need – love, comfort, strength, encouragement,
protection and the list could go on and on…
So why is trusting him with it all, with every single perfect imperfection so hard? It shouldn’t be.
