The Lord has burdened my heart and I must speak of what He is doing. We went back to the hospital today (we go every afternoon to go visit and pray) and things were looking up. The baby with hydrocephalus is being flown to Managua tomorrow and the babies with pneumonia weren’t crying and they were receiving breathing treatments. The boy with the tumor on his neck is doing well after surgery and the man dying of AIDS is now awake enough to remember us when we visit him. So the Lord is healing these people and it is a gift we have been given to visit them every day.
When we were about to leave and standing in front of the ICU room this woman comes out crying hysterically. She had a washcloth gritted between her teeth to quell the sound of her sobs. We didn’t know what the situation was but Allison put her arms around her and began to pray. So we waited with her and through women that were nearby we deciphered a few things when she went back in the room. Her son was very sick and she had signed papers to take him home. As we are waiting I realize that I prayed over this family yesterday. I saw the little boy passed out on a bed with just a t-shirt and an open diaper on. He was sweating and his mother was fanning him. I spent some time praying and rubbing her back. She doesn’t speak Spanish or English, just the local dialect Miskito and so it is impossible to communicate. Her son looked very bad yesterday and he looked like he was in the beginning stages of malnutrition. And in that recollection I realize that he is dying.
We see through the window that she is carrying her son out of the room and she comes out right in front of us. In her extreme despair she begins to crumble to the ground. Can you imagine carrying your son home to die? Out of instinct I put my arms beneath the baby and hold him. It appears he is unable to swallow or move his head by himself. As he lays in my arms his body stiffens and convulses as if he is having a seizure. As I am walking to another room – all I can pray is “Jesus, Jesus, Jesus…” What do I say?
So we lay him on a bed and begin to fan his warm little body. A local pastor, who is at the hospital waiting for his daughter to have surgery, comes in the room. He is praying over the child and then he opens the bible to Psalm 23. It took a minute to click because it is in Spanish but once it did I fell apart. It hit me – this little boy is dying right here in front of my eyes. This little life that God has created is ending. I look at my friends in the doorway and the tears start and I fall against the wall. It felt like I was the one losing the child. Within seconds I realize that I need to be strong for this family, this is not my loss but theirs. So we spent a good bit of time praying. Allison came in and was praying over me and her prayers reminded me of God’s sovereignty. If this little boy dies, God is still in control. He is still good and gracious and He is worthy of praise. Despite the pain and despair around me He is GOD and I am NOT. He knows the plans He has and all things work to bring Him glory.
I can still smell the hospital on my skin. And with that smell I remember what it felt like to hold that lifeless baby in my arms. What is the Lord trying to teach me?
Though the fig tree should not blossom
And there be no fruit on the vines,
Though the yield of the olive should fail
And the fields produce no food,
Though the flock should be cut off from the fold
And there be no cattle in the stalls,
Yet I will exult in the LORD,
I will rejoice in the God of my salvation.
The Lord GOD is my strength,
And He has made my feet like hinds’ feet,
And makes me walk on my high places.
Habakkuk 3:17-19
