I don’t know how to begin this blog because the thoughts in my head and heart are just jumbled mush right now. One of our ministries here in Puerto Cabezas has been going to the local hospital to pray for the patients there. Last week we went and we met women who had given birth just hours before and they allowed us to hold the precious little ones. Well yesterday could not have been any different than last week.
I partnered with Ezekiel (one of our Nicaraguan friends that we are serving alongside from Granada). We began in the children’s ward and I was shocked by the amount of patients on this wing. Room after room filled with children and their families. Children suffering from pneumonia, a one month old baby with hydrocephalus, a teenager with a tumor growing off his neck, etc… We met a man who said that his daughter had been shot in the back and then the same attackers took machetes to her arms. They were trying to fly her to the capital Managua but they could not afford the transport to send him also.
In the room there was a woman laying on a bed surrounded by family. She was undressed from the waist up and there were pins and rods coming out of her arm. I didn’t understand that this is the woman that was spoken of earlier. Ezekiel had just told me to go in and closed the door behind me. So I just explained who I was in Spanish and asked if I could pray. I sat at her feet and just laid my hands on her and prayed and wept. I was praying I just begged the Lord to heal her. I have nothing in my own flesh that can do anything to help her. My thoughts and prayers were that the family would not elevate me, a “gringo” missionary, to a high status and expect me to perform a miracle. The only thing that I have that is different is Jesus. I have the Holy Spirit dwelling in me. And that same God created the heavens and the earth and also came down to earth as a man and died my death. On this earth he performed miracle after miracle of healings and I know He can heal this woman.
I know the Lord is sovereign and I know He heals. I am not asking “Why God?” That isn’t what brings me such depth of pain. What hurts so much is to see so many people hurting and dying. Their pain has become my pain and their hurt my hurt. Children that are lying on a sheet, unable to awaken because of the stupor that the infection has put them in. One little girl paralyzed by an unknown illness and a boy who has 3rd degree burns over parts of his face, arms, chest and back. A man who seems to be wasting away because of AIDS and now he has the appearance of someone who has survived the holocaust. There is another man next to him who is blind and paralyzed. What do I do with all this pain? How do I process all this? I am at a loss for words.
So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience… Colossians 3:12
