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 There is one little girl in Sra Sarong that has absolutely stolen my heart (and my hand!). Her name is Souet. When we arrive at the village, she instantly grabs my hand and stays quietly by my side until we leave. We don’t say much. Mostly I just smile at her. Souet rarely smiles back. Her eyes tell a story of something her little bit of English and my almost non-existant Khmer can communicate. Where I go, Souet goes. If I am leading a game, Souet would rather stand beside me then play the game. If we are getting chairs out, Souet gets two so we can sit together. This little girl is awesome.  When she smiles, her whole face changes. I often run longer than I want, or swing her around long after my muscles are tired, or make a total fool out of myself just for that smile. She is eager to please. When we spent a morning clearing the road, she worked hard while most of the kids played. When we learn English, I can see her trying hard to learn and to pronounce the words. When we sing, she sings along and does the actions and she looks so serious about it.

[I wasn’t planning on sharing this next part, I only wanted to introduce you to Souet but I just kept writing, so here’s the whole story of what Souet means to me…]

I’ve been praying that God would show me how to best love Souet. I can feel that she needs something specific but I haven’t known what. Two days ago, I found out that Souet’s mother died two years ago. Since I found that out, I’ve been trying to ignore the fact that that is God’s answer to my prayer.  But I can’t. I know what Souet needs. She needs all the things that I missed when my own mom died.  She’s the same age as I was when I lost my mom.  She needs to know what unconditional love feels like. To know that there is at least one person in the world that thinks she’s the greatest, no matter what. She needs to know that there is one person that’s going to cheer for her and fight for her, always.  She probably needs an extra dose of hugs and smiles that the other kids just don’t need in the same way.

I’ve been wondering for a while why Souet chose me. Honestly, if you want to feel loved, hang out with my teammate Courtney. She has a serious gift for loving on the kids we meet. I feel like God’s telling me that He led her to me because I can understand. Part of me hates that. I don’t want to be that person. I don’t want to understand how Souet feels, I don’t want to go back to that place. I don’t want to feel for her the way I already do, knowing I have to leave in two weeks. Honestly, I’m not sure that I’m entirely convinced that I want God to use something that I have hated being defined by.

But as crazy as it feels right now, I think God’s calling me to be that for her for the next couple of weeks. I know it’s only two more weeks that I can be here physically but I will continue to think she’s the greatest, even if I can’t tell her in person. I’ll continue to fight for her in the best way I know how – by praying. And while I am here, my hand is hers. I will continue to do all that I can to bring her a little joy.

The part of me that doesn’t hate it, think it’s beautiful. It’s a picture of who God is. He can take something that wrecked my life and make it something beautiful. He can redeem death to bring life.  Who is this Jesus that I serve? I feel like I’m beginning to get a better understanding of what we mean when we say God is good. His goodness is bigger and better than any definition of good I’ve understood before. It’s big enough to make even the bad things into good. It’s big enough to bring two girls, ten years apart, separated by language and culture, together.