The other night we went for a prayer walk down Pub Street, the area where all of the tourists hang out for the bars and shopping. As we were praying, searching to see where God was moving, I noticed I wasn’t the only one searching. Street kids are looking for money, and their faces say they are looking for love and attention too. The Tuk-Tuk drivers are looking for customers and to be told they are valuable and important. The tourists are looking for a drink, a prostitute, fun, but they’re really searching for purpose and fulfillment.
But all of them were just so blinded. Blinded to the Enemy and the lies he promised would give them life. I was so frustrated with how easy it was for me to see this when they couldn’t. But then God started showing me where my vision was seriously lacking. I’m blind too.
There are times when I seriously wonder what I’m doing here. Why did I give up my life for 11 months to be ripped out of my comfort zone and thrown into the unknown? Am I doing any good? Is this worth everything people have given to me? Is this worth everything I gave up?
I wouldn’t say it’s doubt exactly. I know for certain that I’m exactly where The Lord wants me to be. But why does he want me to be here?
My practical side wants to tell you it’s because I have something to add. Because I can make a difference and change the world. And I think that’s true. God and his grace can work through me and use me to bring his kingdom to earth. But where is the purpose when I’m sitting in a church service I can’t understand? Or when I’m singing and dancing with kids? I can teach them their ABCs but does that matter if I can’t explain to them how valuable and loved they are?
I thought being here I would see what it looks like to bring Heaven to Earth. But usually I don’t recognize when this is happening. Heaven touching earth looks like fire falling, healing coming, and darkness fleeing.
But just because I don’t see that happening doesn’t mean it isn’t happening. Maybe dancing like an idiot and playing catch with stuffed animals looks like the Love of the Father falling. Maybe praying for a pregnant woman outside of a bar looks like brokenness inside being healed and restored instantly. Maybe singing English worship with Cambodian children is covering them with the light and telling the darkness it has no place among them. Maybe the atmosphere actually changes when I enter a room because I have the same power that raised Christ to life living inside of me.
I’m reminded how Jesus gave up everything for me. He gave up so much and only receive something so little. But to him, that little is precious, irreplaceable, treasured, adored, loved, worth every lash he took.
I know on the outside things I’m doing can look so small. But what’s wise in heaven looks foolish to man. So I trust him to give me his eyes. The eyes for his people. The eyes to see where he is. And the eyes to see what he decides is worth everything.
And through his eyes I see that past my comfort zone is where I’m suppose to live. I see that he is working with me, I’m not working for him. I see how differently he calculates worth then I do. I see miracles in the normal and ordinary. I see his love expressed in a smile that touches someone’s very soul. I see that Love doesn’t need a translator. I see what makes me come alive. I see His Kingdom coming to the Earth.
