I want to share
a special experience with you…
Right before we
began our ministry in Thailand about three and a half weeks ago, our squad was
able to hang out for a few days in Bangkok, Thailand. As usual, we had a
morning of squad worship. Except, this time was not so “usual�.
I could tell our
squad was beginning to go deeper into what the Father had for us, even if it
seemed crazy.
While Heather
and Tyler were playing worship in their guitars, Aly (one of our squad leaders)
challenged the squad to press in, speak out what God did throughout our last
three months in Africa and speak over each other. She challenged us to prophecy
and speak life to each other. She sensed that people on the squad were being
pulled to say things from the Lord.
After a while of
worship, I felt led to get up and speak. But, this time, it was from the pit of
my soul. I began crying and telling them about “this thing called Radical
Faith� and challenging the squad to seek that. But, you see…it was a challenge
to myself too.
As God was
speaking through me, I was crying and being utterly vulnerable with my squad. I
told them about how I was sick and hurting (just finished typhoid and amoeba
medicine and found out I had gastritis, plus I had just gotten a head cold – I was not feeling well at all). I told
them how I was scared because I can’t control what is going on with my body. I
told them that in the midst of it all, I miss my mom and wish she was here to
tell me I’d be okay (which in reality, I knew I would be). I told them I missed
the comforts of home, the luxury that comes with having healthy and comfort at
my disposal. I told them then I am fighting to believe in God’s healing over my
life, but that honestly, it’s hard for me to fully trust in God most of the
time because He is a sovereign God no matter what happens.
I then told
them, that all of this (sickness, doubt, fear) doesn’t surprise me because a
few days prior I had just prayed to God and said, “God, I want to be able to
trust you even if I am close to death.� Now, this prayer was not by any means
intending to get me close to death (and I don’t believe it did), but, my point
was that I was tired of not trusting God. I want and deeply desire with all my
heart to truly trust God with EVERYTHING, even my life. It’s when I can trust
him with my LIFE and not fear DEATH that I can fully release all that I am to
God and then he can fully work through me. I want that. It’s a scary prayer,
but I want that so badly!
So, here I am,
being completely vulnerable, crying infront of my whole squad and disclosing my
fears and God decided to press in even more.
“YOU SEE,
THERE’S THIS THING CALLED FAITH! IF IT DOESN’T TAKE RISK, IF IT’S NOT SCARY AND
OUTSIDE OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE, IT’S PROBABLY NOT USING A LOT OF FAITH. WE ARE
O-SQUAD!! WE ARE A SQUAD OF RADICAL FAITH!! WHEN ARE WE GOING TO STOP BEING
COMPLACENT, FEARFUL, AND IN CONTROL AND ACTUALLY TAKE A LEAP OF FAITH TOWARD
GOD NO MATTER THE COST? FAITH MEANS LETTING GO OF CONTROL AND TRUSTING GOD EVEN
WITH THE THINGS UNSEEN AND BEING HOPEFUL FOR WHAT IS TO COME AND FOR WHAT HAS
BEEN PROMISED TO US! HEALING IS OURS! REDEMPTION IS OURS!…â€�
It just keeps
getting better…
After I sat
down, my dear friend Kige stood up with her oil paintings in hand. She is a
phenomenal artist and very gifted in prophetic painting. As we were worshiping
she drew a painting. She didn’t know who it was for at first until I got up and
started speaking. Then she knew…it was for me.
Drawing by Kirsten George
As she began to
describe this painting she said that she felt the Lord say, “How close to death
do I need to bring you before you trust me?�
WOW!!!! Talk
about intense and on point! He was speaking directly to me through the gifted
hands of Kige and her oil paints. The point is that God doesn’t want to bring me to death, but he is trying to show me how desperately he wants me to finally trust Him with all that I am! Wow. Wow. Wow.
I have never
received the voice of God through a painting before that was just for me. It
touched me in a way I can’t describe. She spoke so specifically to my hearts
cry!
Father God, I
trust you, I trust you, I trust you! Help me to trust you even more. Forgive me
for my doubt and weakness in trusting you! Make me a woman of radical faith! A
woman who is not even afraid of death. A woman who will take risks for you!!
God, I am tired of being held back by fear and doubt. Whatever it takes to
trust you, I want it!!
Praise God from
whom all blessings flow….
Amen!
